Love and Connection, relationships, Romance, sexuality

4 Ways to Make Her Feel Sexy When She’s Not in the Mood

She needs to feel like a woman if you want quality love.

Don’t balk. If you’re one of those men who constantly reminisce about the days when your woman used to swing it for you like Miley Cyrus on a Wrecking Ball because she’s no longer eager in the bedroom, I’m here to tell you that no amount of nostalgia will bring back those steamy sex sessions.

The days of romping around in bed all day are gone. Life happens and so do kids, work, mortgages and households.

One of my girlfriends has been with her man for some fifteen years. Three kids. Two careers. Most of the household responsibilities are on her.

He gets to leave for work in the early hours to return to a clean home, washed children and a hot meal every day.

She gets to leave for work after arranging the kid’s morning routines and dropping off to school, returning to a home that needs upkeeping, kids who need help with their homework, a meal that needs preparing and showers that need to partake if she wants to keep her kids clean.

She does.

He goes to bed at 8:30pm. He even has an alarm set on his phone to remind him of bedtime. One evening a week, it is sex-night.

After a year of couple counselling, they eventually made a written agreement which covered an array of the issues plaguing their relationship.

She wanted him to stop drinking, be more considerate, help out more around the house and with their children, as well as curb his passive-aggressive tendencies. 

He wanted Miley Cyrus back.

Huge difference. This was his number one (and two … maybe three) issue to prioritize his list of what he deemed the most important aspects in their relationship.


Nowadays, if she dares to renege on her part of the agreement (E.g. Tired), the shit hits the fan in the form of pouting lips, child-like griping and persistent critical jabs followed by bouts of speech that begin with the words: “Remember when you used to …”

Two things:

  1. A written agreement to sleep with your wife?
  2. Memories won’t bring back the passion, sir.

Neither will said agreement.

I mean, come on – it’s not neuroscience. If you feel as if sex is lacking in your relationship, the last thing that is going to work to recreate the sensual flames is to uphold a written agreement.

How about some thoughtfulness? A little action … effort?

How about adopting a mature and growth mindset, and taking the time to learn what makes her feel sexy?  

That’s something a written agreement cannot produce. No matter how many times you sign the damn thing.

Each woman is different. What makes me feel sexy might not work for every woman, but isn’t learning what makes her hot a tantalizing challenge to undertake?

We all want some pleasure in our lives. A little sexual release. Its natural.  

We change. None of us are the same people we were when we first met, which means adapting and evolving is essential to a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship. Naturally this spills over into the love-making scene.

What made her horny years ago has probably revolutionized with her human development. Yours too. 

I can’t promise a Wrecking Ball scene, but let’s discuss some the hot stuff that may help to reignite her inner sex-goddess:

Mind-F**k Her

To the forward-thinking guy who seeks to give and receive pleasure from his woman, I couldn’t think of a better way to begin than mental stimulation.

Women are wired differently to men when it comes to sex. We need to feel a certain connection. It ripples into the sex. Trust me.

You don’t need a masters degree. You just have to bring something interesting to the pre-sex lingo.

Intriguing her mind will moisten her panties.

A need for mental connection is a must for many women in order to move ahead with her physical chemistry – this is true for new and seasoned relationships.

When you get to the “loving” part, it’s unbelievably mind-blowing.   

It’s like a sexuality continuum – desire begins and continues in the mind. When she is feeling connected and bonded to her man, the stimulation overflows into total love-flavored ecstasy.

Use Your Lips

I love lips. Even better when they’re whispering in my ear with your face close so that I can feel your warm breath and man-skin against my own.  

It’s just sexy.

It doesn’t even matter what you say, so long as you say it.

Lips are especially good for kissing too.

Deep, passionate Frenchies. Light feathery body grazes. Sensual sucking.


Kissing releases the body’s feel-good chemicals. I just discovered that thinking about it does too (mental stimulation right there).

Seriously, often the art of kissing is lost between long-term couples. Rekindle the passion with the gift of your beautiful lips. Make the moments count.

Lips are also particularly good for: Dirty talk. Compliments. Charm. Making her laugh – sexy stuff going on there.     

Erotic Massage

Hello fingers. 

Scented candles. Sexy vibes. Hot towels. Skin on skin.  

You’ll definitely want to make the oil an edible variety for where this scene is headed.

There is nothing quite like the sensation of touch to kickstart arousal. Follow it with a helping of number 2 and it’s more than happy days.

Benefits of sensual massage: Mental relaxation. Emotional rejuvenation. Sexual arousal. Stress relief. Helps to release negativity. Promotes intimacy and helps you let go of insecurities.

And besides, it just feels damned good.

Want to hear her moan?

Focus on her erogenous zones – the parts of her body with heightened sensitivity. This will create her sexual response.

Is it getting hot in here?

Be a Gentleman

Yes, being a gentleman is still relevant today and most women still like a bit of chivalry. We appreciate being treated like ladies.

From 10 Qualities of a Modern Gentleman – Final Touch website.

“Today, being a gentleman is a matter of choice. It is a title you earn through an unwavering commitment to invest in your character. Gentlemen are not stiff, pretentious, or focused on elevating themselves. Instead, they strive to succeed while helping those around them succeed as well. Being a gentleman means that you care about how your choices impact others. It is about human connection.”

I like it.

Being a gentleman encompasses many attributes. At its basic core, it is the desire to be graceful and respectful in your attitude and outlook on life.

This means throwing away things like written agreements, and accepting change while possessing a strong desire to be intimate with your woman because you want to be with her and not just because you want to get your rocks off.

The experience transcends into something much more meaningful when we really connect. Besides, fewer utterly mind-blowing sexual encounters surpass a quick fix anytime.

Make her feel like a woman.  

She’ll be putty in your hands.

*Originally published by Sexography on Medium