Love and Connection, relationships, Women

What Makes a Woman Unforgettable?

There are so many mixed messages and pressure on what men expect from a woman nowadays. This is largely because we are bombarded with images that show us how to be desirable, and swamped with articles telling us what we should be wearing, doing, saying or not saying if we want men to find us alluring – unforgettable.

For many women, the media is a breeding ground for feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. It’s next to impossible to keep up with the latest irresistible sex-kitten inundating the media, but do we really want to?

We don’t need to look like a supermodel to be unforgettable. We don’t even need to be perfect. At all. A woman may do all the things that tells her how to attract a partner and still find herself alone.

The thing is, there is so much more that goes into a relationship than what a woman wears, the color of her hair or the shade of her lipstick. Sure, those things do contribute to first impressions, but what makes a woman unforgettable is much less about her clothes and more about who she is.

Quite a few years ago, a good friend jokingly referred to my ex-boyfriends as my “Old Flame Club” because they had a knack for unexpectedly showing up in my life years after the relationship had ended.

They would look me up on social media and ping me, or I’d hear from them through mutual friends who they had found and then requested my contact details. Thankfully, said mutual friends would always ask my permission before divulging my personal information.

Those who know me well have pretty good idea about how I feel about reconnecting with old boyfriends – hell, no thanks.


For the most part, I am uninterested in catching up with my exes. I’m not one of those people who are into attending school reunions either. That’s just me. It’s not that I have harsh feelings for past lovers or old friends, I do honor their place and the role they had in my life – it’s more that I don’t feel the need to rekindle past relationships.

You know when a relationship has run its course when you can look back with a sense of ease about how it ended. It just feels complete. Doesn’t mean that that person no longer means anything to you – you shared time together and they will always be a part of you in some way.

Doesn’t mean I want to reconnect, either.

The same goes for other kinds of relationships, too. When I divorced my first husband, I considered one of the perks of the split was that I would no longer have to deal with his mother.

Yeah. She was one of those cringe-worthy in-laws who frequently felt the need to impart her unwanted opinion and controlling advice on me at every opportunity.

Thirteen years on and she’s still at it. Only, I let go of the hook – no longer do I feel obliged to answer her calls or possess the desire to stay connected.  

Between you and me, she’s one person I wish would forget me. 

The friend who used to tease me about having an “old flame club” never understood why my ex-boyfriends were so interested in reviving a connection with me. Honestly, it was something that baffled me too.

“What is it about you that they can’t forget?” she’d ask. 

I’d reply with a shrug.

What did I know? I didn’t consider myself overly special.

But I did know that it had nothing to do with my clothes or the way I styled my hair and more to do with what’s going on on the inside. For those guys who I’ve loved and shared serious time with along the way, I have always given them the best part of me.

Just me.

All of us are unforgettable to someone and all of us will never forget someone.

Here’s a few traits I believe makes a woman particularly unforgettable:

She has a passion for Life

Life is about living and experiencing new things.

A woman who is passionate about life and has a spark for exploration is one you won’t forget in a hurry.

She laughs lots and doesn’t take herself too seriously.

She’s a free-spirit at heart who finds joy and fascination in the unlikeliest of things – it doesn’t mean that she’s always engaged in a wild venture or constantly pushing her comfort zone; but it does mean that she has an unforgettable zest for life that shines from the inside out.

She forms meaningful connections

She wants to know her man and she sees him, and she thrives on deep connection -but not just in her romantic relationships, but with the special people in her life, too.

Friends, family and co-workers – a combination of these connections. 

Meaningful connections with other people outside of your relationship is healthy and helps to keep your romantic connection fresh and balanced.

For me, I was never the kind to build my entire existence around a man, encouraging him to spend time with his friends and cherishing my own space.  

An unforgettable woman builds a life for herself and not for every romantic connection that shows up in her experience. Her meaningful connections are a part of who she is and a part of what makes her whole.

She’s kind

She doesn’t have to have a bleeding heart or try to save the world, but the kindness she shows to her loved ones and strangers alike says a lot about a woman – and it’s contagious.

Her kindness sets off a chain reaction. Like a ripple effect. Makes you feel good. When we’re around kind-hearted people, those qualities naturally emerge in us too and honestly, the world won’t suffer from too much kindness.  

An unforgettable woman is kind and caring – and although there may be times when her kindness is exploited or taken advantage of, her kindness is not easily forgotten.

She’s got fire

She’s gutsy yet vulnerable. Persistent but not a steamroller.

She knows what she wants and when life knocks her down, she’ll get back up, dust of her pants and forge ahead with renewed determination.

She realizes the value and growth that accompanies pain. She forgives easily and releases grudges because she knows that life is too short to hold onto negative emotions.   

An unforgettable woman is a visionary; a dreamer who possesses the fire in her soul to fight and push for the life she wants.

An unforgettable woman is herself

Broadmindedness is an alluring trait. So is authenticity.

She is uninterested in trying to be someone she is not and knows that the opinions others have of her is not her business.

An unforgettable woman is a person who is far from perfect but deep down she cannot be anything other than her real self.

She lives as herself.

Sometimes she’s a bitch. She might even have a knack of getting under your skin and driving you crazy at times, but she’ll love you even crazier. 

An unforgettable woman is the kind of woman who imprints on your soul and forever stays in your heart. If you shared real time and connection with her, then chances are she thinks you’re pretty unforgettable, too.  

Originally published by P.S I Love You on Medium