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The Most Important Relationship of Your Life

I bet you know what I’m going to tell you. Well, maybe.

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We never stop learning through our relationships with people. Or rather, people never stop teaching us. It has taken a long time for me to learn how to trust my intuition. It’s been a journey paved with dark nights of the soul, as well as amazing moments of clarity.

Throughout my earlier years, I had always doubted my inner-gut feelings or just plain ignored them. I never quite trusted myself — or who I was, for that matter.

One prime example was when my first husband proposed to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him. It was more that I was just twenty-one years old and reasonably fresh out of a five-year relationship. I had plans. I was working to save money for travel. New York beckoned me with a pull I couldn’t deny.

He took me to the beach, produced a diamond and spoke words that would claim me. I’ll never forget that day. Not because it was the happiest day of my life or anything — it is more the distinct memory of ignoring the inner-turmoil circling through my head as I accepted the ring and said “yes”.

The inner-screams were yelling “no”, by the way.

His blue eyes were so vulnerable as he looked at me expectantly. I didn’t have the heart to turn him down, despite that marriage wasn’t on my agenda at that time.

You can call it gutless. You can even call it stupid. Maybe a bit of both?

I used to be a soft touch. I think I still might be. Better that than a heartless human. Like some.

Fact: When you ignore your intuition, shit will probably hit the fan. The lessons will be harder.

It wasn’t even that marriage would deny me the freedom of travel. It was that that marriage became a living nightmare. As it turned out, his true qualities eventually surfaced to reveal a narcissistic and violent man.

I ignored my inner-warning bells and experienced great pain because of it.

One for the intuition.

People have screwed me over. I’m certain you’ve been screwed over, too. It happens to be a part of this thing called life.

Years later and following the inevitable divorce (that wasn’t gutless), a very handsome man asked me out for dinner. I was so nervous. It would be my first date with someone new in twelve years.

In the moments leading up to his arrival, I remember hitting rewind on Pearl Jam’s “Black” over and over. It was my favorite. Yeah. I was into Pearl Jam (not as much as my friend who named her vibrator “Eddie”). Somehow, listening to that song quelled my nerves. Somewhat.

It was probably a sign from the Intuition Gods.

Was it normal to feel this uneasy before a date?

He played league cricket and had mutual sporting connections with one of my closet friends who had been a professional hockey player for the Australian team. And he was hot.

Bonus.

Still, I couldn’t quite conquer the whirring sirens in the back of my mind. Something didn’t feel right. I’d met him once. I didn’t miss his dominant energy, but I did pretend not to notice.

He took me to dinner and followed up with a side of date-rape.

That didn’t go down so well. Another one for intuition.

The next day, my girlfriend looked at me and said, “I hope this doesn’t make you bitter — not all men are pricks.”

Just some. I seemed to be a magnet for them.

Truth is, I knew that if I allowed others to infect my outlook on life with their shit-ass, negative behavior, that would be letting them win. Unfortunately, some people do want to bring you down.

Fact: Even your intuition can get it wrong.

Wait — not really. Please don’t start distrusting those gut feelings you’ve worked so hard to strengthen — they are designed to lead you along the right path and help you learn.

I think I’ve worked it out — it is all about the lessons. Remember my opening paragraph? These little lesson-nuggets are about helping us nurture our relationship with our inner-guidance.

Even when we get it wrong. In fact, sometimes we are supposed to get it wrong. Other times, we’re not actually getting it wrong — it’s the other person in question that isn’t quite getting it.

Confused?

I don’t blame you.

Take a soul connection for instance.

What? You didn’t think I could get through a post about intuition without including a spiel about your soul?

It’s the only real part of us, you realize …

Let’s explore a little.

Have you ever met someone and instantly felt an indescribably strong connection toward them? It feels as if your soul recognizes them and your human part is tripping to catch up.

Soul connections are no mistake. They arrive in our lives to trigger inner-growth and fuel creativity, as well as to create new patterns of love in the world and foster our path toward enlightenment. They show up to open new thought concepts and kick-start your heart.

They show up to blow your mind.

When these special people arrive on the scene, you cannot ignore the deep sensations the meeting ignites.

Rare gems. Real world.

That’s right, I said “real world”.

Ermm … and what is “real”? I hear you ask.

Real is that which doesn’t change. Your soul won’t cark it. Your body will.

Don’t be so hasty to dismiss what your physical senses cannot detect. You cannot see love but you know it exists because you feel it, right? Well, I hope you do. Real love doesn’t change. You can’t see your intuition either, by the way.

Speaking of intuition, all of that instinctual drive you’ve been cultivating over the years seems to fall to the wayside when encountering a significant soul connection. All for a purpose — to test and explode the boundaries of love while propelling you into greater states of awareness.

To learn to love unconditionally.

Fact: Meeting someone you know in soul isn’t all peaches and cream.

Far from it, actually. It’s not supposed to be. The true soul connection is designed to make you feel uncomfortable because its created to evoke fire to change. It’s about pushing your inner-boundaries and shattering pre-existing beliefs and societal expectations on what is deemed as “acceptable”.

We’re good at doing that, you know — imposing systems of “right and wrongs”, judging one another and acting from a place of fear. Which isn’t real by the way.

Your soul wasn’t created to fear. The human condition did that.

In short, a soul meeting of this nature will stretch your perspective beyond your physicality and catapult you into “trigger zone” while developing your inner-strength and self-belief. A realm reserved for facing yourself — the good and the not so good.

Sounds like a picnic, huh?

Growth is never easy. You will need to courage-up to get through this thing called life and actually grasp greater perspectives. Free your mind. Start by contemplating the real stuff.

Some people have what it takes to explore deep love. Others do not.

When you’re there, you discover moments that will define you for the rest of your life — moments when you either choose take a leap of faith, or run back to your comfort zone screaming,“Hell, no!”

When confronted with matters of deep soul truths, it becomes more important than ever to lean on your inner-guidance system. It’s as if each experience, relationship and past lesson have been in preparation for the ultimate test of faith. When trusting your intuition becomes vital.

My Shamanic Medicine Drumming Teacher often speaks of giving thanks to our paths. She reminds us that it is unique to each of us; that it stretches before us perfectly raw and unpaved; and that we shouldn’t be afraid to be true to ourselves as we walk toward the unknown.

She instills the courage.

Sacred soul journeys are more about personal growth than the other person actually “getting it”. It is when we learn how to open our hearts and free our minds that we begin to connect with our souls to live authentically.

And that is what its all about.

Life.

At the end of it all, it is through our soul connections and relationships that will result in refining our most important relationship of all — the one you have with yourself.

Self-discovery is there for the taking if you but have courage enough to wade through mysterious territory and trust the path.

One for me.

P.S. I did make it to New York. Right after my divorce.


Originally published by P.S. I Love You at Medium on January 20th 2020.

Love or Fear — You Get to Choose Every Time

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When I was fifteen years old, one of my friends decided to hate me. I had known her since Kindergarten and we had been close. I’d spent so much time at her house that her family was an extension of my own. Including her pudgy Golden Retriever, Candy-girl, who shared a mutual adoration with me.

Kids can be fickle when it comes to friendship. I’d experienced my fair share of “friends with conditions”, but not within this relationship. She was special. I loved her and I had thought she loved me back. When her friendship turned into hostility, it shocked me to my foundations.

More than that, though, I was hurt beyond measure. My world suddenly blackened with an indescribable pain because not only had she turned against me; she was also in a position of power to influence all of my other friends in joining her on the “Hate Kim” bandwagon.

None of them knew why I was suddenly branded an outcast — there was no reason behind her animosity. Yet, they all fell into place like puppets on a string. One former friend was even commissioned by their “leader” to physically attack me. I was never one of those tough girls that went around looking for a fight.

Neither was my opponent.

She went ahead and did it anyway. She hit me and I hit her back. It wasn’t long before we were surrounded by a horde of hollering teenagers as we attempted to … god knows what because neither of us could actually fight.

When a teacher came along to break it up, I remember one of the “tough” girls sniggering the obvious as we were carted off to the Principal’s office.

“You guys can’t fight for shit.”

Yeah. No shit, Sherlock.

Cue Michael Jackson: I think I told you, I’m a lover not a fighter.

Kylie and I were stuffed into the same waiting room outside the Principal’s office and promptly left alone. We looked at each other. I took in her busted lip and noted the aches reverberating around my own body. I was shaken and upset, and knew that I ought to be feeling angry and outraged for the disgusting treatment handed to me by my peers.

Yet, I couldn’t. All I saw was the expression in her eyes as they teared up and she said sorry.

Sorry.

There is power in that word. When expressed sincerely, a simple apology is all it takes to begin the path toward healing. Yet, an apology is easily negated if left unreceived.

The act of forgiveness is where true power lies.

I nodded.

“Okay.”

It wasn’t even a choice. I had forgiven her the moment she had caused me pain because I knew she acted out of fear and not malicious intent. A weight had lifted. We hugged before proceeding into the Principal’s lair to receive our punishment.

Neville Goddard:

“The drama of life is a psychological one in which all the conditions, circumstances and events of your life are brought to pass by your assumptions.”

In other words, your life path is determined by the feelings you assume. Focus on negative feelings like jealousy, hate and resentment, then you will discover your reality tainted by situations that evoke more of those feelings.

Steer your thoughts and focus toward the positive aspects of life and these feelings and experiences will become the dominant theme in your world.

Skeptical?

Pay close attention to those folks that fill in endless hours switching between the latest news channels. I’m willing to bet that they are among the biggest complainers in your life.

Each time you choose to watch a show, a movie or listen to a broadcast, you are making the choice to allow the essence of that broadcast into your personal energy field — you’re effectively inviting the substance of that transmission into your life; which in turn evokes a deep reaction.

A feeling is assumed.

Keep watching or listening to something or someone who brings you down, that’s where you’ll find yourself. In a bottomless pit of self-repugnance and unrealized dreams.

The same holds true of people and the way we choose to treat one another.

I could have easily chosen to hold a grudge against Kylie for attacking me. In fact, most girls that age would have done just that. But gathering grudges and lashing out does nothing but wither your soul and hinder self-growth.

Deep down, you know this; each time you mistreat, disrespect or devalue another human being, there exists a tiny ping in the pit your gut that you might try to ignore — guilt. You cannot escape it. No matter how deep you bury it.

Don’t make amends, it’ll eventually catch up to you one way or another. It always does. Life is designed this way — what you dish out is what you get back. In this life or the next…

As my mother likes to say: It ain’t over till the fat lady sings.

It’s never really over by the way. Nor is that my mother’s quote, but I think you knew that.

People are always going to “broadcast” their message to influence your life or decisions in some way. Unfortunately, a lot of the time those people have their own interests and agendas at heart. Even when we think they are a friend.

Empathy is a resource that most of us are unwilling to invest for too many people. Sure, we’re good at shooting off at the mouth about it. Putting it into practice is another matter altogether. It takes time and effort to understand how and why others feel the way they do. Even when motivated, doing so isn’t always easy.

Without empathy, our relationships cease to exist. At least on any level worth experiencing. Yet, in those quiet moments when you’re alone and the truth is staring you in the face, no amount of empathy or understanding from others can fill the void in your heart left by the choices you make.

The fact is, we were not born into this life to acquiesce to others. We came here to create our most fulfilling life; to make authentic connections, learn how to express love and value those that imprint upon our lives and souls along the way.

We came here to find freedom, joy and light in a condition of human struggle. We came to sift through it all to arrive at the place where we realize who we really are.

So, who are you?

It all begins by mastering our assumptions, how we treat others and how we choose to move through our ever-changing world. The way you see the world is how you will experience the world.

Love or fear?

That’s the basic principle governing everything we encounter. It is love or fear that we choose to allow into our inner-worlds and will influence our life-energy, desires and outcomes.

Every time.

No one can choose for you. Nobody knows what or who is best for you except you.

Friends, acquaintances and family — they all have their own unique paths and they don’t own your soul. Neither do our responsibilities for that matter. We can honor these people and afflictions where necessary without becoming shackled to them.

Freedom is our birthright — it’s a state of mind.

Your thoughts and assumptions make the world as you know it to be true. Choose them wisely, or others will choose for you.

That is when you lose — when you sacrifice your happiness for others and end up without the dream.

As a fifteen-year-old, I had spent months attending school in a private hell. It doesn’t sound a like a big crisis, but it looked very different back then. School and friends are a teenager’s life. I was stripped of friendship, loyalty and bonding. I had cried myself to sleep each and every night.

The evening following the fight with Kylie my phone rang. It was her — the one who had turned my life black. I answered to hear her sobbing uncontrollably.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m calling to say sorry — I’m so sorry, Kim.”

Long pause, then:

“It’s okay.”

It takes strength and character to say sorry. It takes a whole lot of heart and empathy to forgive. I may not be a fighter in the physical sense, but when the love is real and reciprocated authentically, I’ll fight for love every time.

To this day, that friend remains one of the only two school friends I have kept in touch with, and she was worth the pain.


Originally published by P.S. I Love You on Medium

Is it Real? You May Never Know Unless You Walk Away

Sometimes, you have to let it go.

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When I first met my husband, we both had ex-partners floating around the sidelines of our lives. Having people on the sidelines is like moonlighting — they appear in your life as distractions, or as leisurely pursuits with mutual understanding that the relationship is on the fly.

That’s not to undervalue those people in any way. Everything for a purpose, right?

My husband had enough moonlighting going on to fill a sin bin, so I can’t be overly confident that his sideliners fulfilled anything meaningful, other than sex.

I couldn’t escape them. We managed to bump into some of these women each time we ventured into town on a date. I was okay with it for the most part, unless the woman in question shamelessly flaunted herself all over him — which surprisingly occurred a lot. For some reason, the fact that he was no longer on the playing field was an unfathomable notion.

Hmm …

The gift of indifference works well in those situations. I had it nailed. So much so, that when one ex-sideline floozy unabashedly approached him to resurrect an old game they’d often play, I met her victorious stare with a wink.

Her frazzled expression was priceless.

We all have a past. Those women were a dime a dozen. I can’t really say that I was sound in the knowledge of his feelings for me at the time, because it was still early days.

But I was confident in me — in my worth as a person and as a woman, and what I have offer to the people in my life who love and respect me.

Everything. Glory, glory!

I loved him. Yet at the same time I knew that if he wasn’t able to see the value in me, then it would be his loss and not mine. There is no mistaking it when it’s real. You can’t replace the deep connection that happens through the unexpected moments that leave you breathless, and the meaningful conversations that inevitably lead to hours of love making. More glory.

Exploration and fusion in every way.

I wasn’t imagining it. He was there, connecting with me. Intricate experiences of that nature with another person cannot be felt by just one party. It has to be reciprocated in order to reach a level of deep resonation. I knew it was more than a fly-by-sideline fling, even if he didn’t admit it at the time.

Something magical happens when you meet someone special. You’ve got to believe in it.

There was one particular woman from his past drifting around who did manage to sneak under my cloak of indifference. Mariska. The one who he had loved before me. Everything changes when big “L” word is involved.

She felt like a threat even though she didn’t live in the same country. She was some twenty-plus hour flight away and back in his hometown near Holland, and she was hellbent on rekindling their relationship.

It didn’t help that he had her image propped up on his bedside table-cum-bookshelf in his tidy little bachelor pad, either. Photos taken from the instances when she’d flown out to visit him. Sparkling green eyes. Long golden hair … vivid grin.

Classic Dutch-clutch. Whatever that looks like.

She found out he preferred brunettes. Next thing, his email lit up with incoming updates; Dutch-clutch turned black.

Ah, Mariska!

Her name sounds like it should be in a Skid Row song. I Remember You. She remembered alright and she wouldn’t let him go. Judging by the photos on his shelf, he wasn’t letting it go so easily, either. Obviously, there was still something between them.

You know those early months in a relationship when you’re still finding your ground and trying to figure out what the hell is actually going on? It was a bit like that. I could handle the sideliners, but I couldn’t compete with love and I wasn’t about to try.

So, I walked away.

I didn’t kick up a stink; didn’t accuse him of foul play or demand that he stopped corresponding with Dutch-clutch. I simply told him that I couldn’t do it anymore and that I wasn’t going to play second to anyone. Period.

I meant that shit. The thing is, you can never change the way people feel. It doesn’t matter how much or how deep you love someone; they will always do what they’re going to do regardless. And if the person you love doesn’t love you back to the same degree, it is never going to be balanced enough to completely fulfil you, anyway.

Happiness in a relationship cannot thrive with doubt, suspicion, disrespect or distrust. This is where we trip up so readily when it comes to relationships. When we tend to accept less than what we know we deserve because we are in love — all of the opposite characteristics that deny a healthy relationship. Things like: Trust. Respect. Honor. Compromise. Dedication and great communication.

It is never easy to walk away from someone you love. I was already in deep and the pain was intense. Suddenly, every lyric to every love song killed. Lost love lingers like subtle poison. Yet sometimes, the act of letting go of someone is necessary and, believe it or not, it is the ultimate act of love. For the both of you.

There is truth to that old saying that goes something like:

“When you love someone let them go …”

In the past, I’ve been forced to cut ties with people that I have shared time with and loved very much. Friendships that turned toxic and demanding. A family member who is not unlike the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead: “When she was good she was very, very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid.”

It’s never an easy decision to discard those from your life who hurt you, but it comes down to self-preservation and protecting your quality of life. You can love someone safely from a distance. I’ve learned this and to this day, I still practice it.

Yet, when it comes to romantic love it can be excruciatingly more difficult to let go.

It didn’t matter how many times I told myself that he wasn’t right for me; that he didn’t love me; that it was the wrong timing and it could never work out; I couldn’t quite quell the yearning inside for him.

My heart fought my brain at every moment spent convincing myself that it was never real.

But sometimes, we have to walk away from love in order to discover its authenticity. Sometimes, it’s the only way to know for sure.

About a month later, he called. Told me that he met me in his dreams and that he didn’t want a life without me in it. It would be first time he uttered the words I had longed to hear.

I love you.

It took me walking away for the penny to finally drop. He returned a different man ready for the breadth of my love and all I had to offer — minus the Dutch-clutch and the sideliners, of course.

“… and if they return, they were always yours.”

The truth is: When the right people come into your life, it can never be wrong timing. The right people are timeless.


What Does a Gentleman Look Like to You?

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A gentleman, while antiquated as a term, is a description of one with grace. Isn’t it odd that we call a civil man a gentleman and a woman who carries herself with self-respect, a lady?

– Xavier Eastenbrick.

My mother used to tell me that I was a beacon for jerks.

She was right. Somehow, I had a knack for attracting men who play games. Dangerous games that hurt me. Men who thought it was okay to treat me as some kind of possession.

Question: Does a gentleman devalue a woman?

Answer: A gentleman never lies to a woman — he should go out of his way to never make her cry unless they are tears of happiness. He always treats her like a lady.

– The Gentleman’s Journal.

Some men have an ingrained sense of entitlement. They think bedding a woman equates to ownership. I remember reading somewhere that this sense of “ownership” over a partner actually sticks with these men even after that particular relationship dissolves.

Take my ex-husband for example. Long after our divorce, he would still call me with all kinds of unreasonable demands and questions. More than once, I had to remind him that we were no longer married.

He didn’t back off until I married someone else.

It comes down to emotional maturity.

If you Google the phrase, “when do men emotionally mature”, you’ll find the magic number is forty-three.

It’s thirty-two for women. That’s a whole lot of years for a woman to wait for the penny to drop. Even then, it isn’t always a given.

I’m not convinced that all men in their forties are actually emotionally mature. Some women, too. I have encountered mature women who exercise emotionally manipulative tactics, and men who exhibit behavior like a five-year-old — as if they have chronic man-flu.

Constant complaining, gaming and knee-jerk reactions all round. Not so hot for developing strong bonds and trust with others.

Question: Should a gentleman do the Moonwalk?

Answer: No one wants to see a grown man Moonwalking and grabbing his testicles on the dance floor anymore. Let it go. Literally.

No one wants to see a grown man clad in a pair of skimpy Speedos at the beach, either. We refer to them as budgie-huggers here in Australia.

Sometimes, the “huggers” don’t quite hold all of the “budgies”, if you know what I mean. Sometimes, less is actually not more.

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A gentleman should be open-minded though.

An intelligent man knows the benefit of listening to other’s views and being prepared to learn and develop his own world view. He seeks to broaden his perspective.

He doesn’t judge, either.

Nor does he ever tell.

Uh-uh. A gentleman has no interest in Chinese whispers, vicious gossip or running others down. He doesn’t shoot off at the mouth before thinking, and he doesn’t always have to have the last say.

There is something to be said about thinking before responding — a small window of time exists where you get to choose how you respond to the situation confronting you.

Sometimes, it might be even longer. Make it count.

A gentleman learns to quell the knee-jerk reaction; he carries himself with dignity and respect at all times.

When my parents divorced, my mother ran into the arms of a much older man. Like, thirty years much older. At first, I tried to resent him. He wasn’t my dad. That resolve didn’t last, though.

Ron was a gentleman. Old school style.

Question: Do they even make them anymore?

Answer: In this day and age, grace is often sacrificed on the altar of selfishness, greed, and convenience.

– Xavier Eastenbrick.

Ron opened doors for my mother and showed her what it meant to be treated like a lady. A lady (check out featured image)I don’t know that that skill is common these days.

Not really.

Question: Should a man open a door for a lady in this day and age?

Answer: This time-honoured gentlemanly gesture has become problematic in the modern world. For a lady, a gentleman always offers his seat, opens the door and helps her with her luggage.

– The Gentleman’s Journal.

Hmm … interesting.

Which leads me to …

Question: Do men actually sacrifice their comfort for a woman?

Answer: Offering your coat to a lady is an act of attentiveness and selflessness. A gentleman should always offer his coat to a lady, walk her home and offer to pay.

– The Gentleman’s Journal.

I asked my fifteen-year-old daughter what a gentleman looked like to her.

Answer: Respectful. Considerate and not selfish.

Good answer.

“Do you think the boys at school behave like gentlemen?”

Laughs.

“No way!”

When does it kick in? When emotional maturity takes hold at … umm … forty-three?

She could be waiting until she’s a middle-aged woman before she experiences a true gentleman.

I hope not.

Question: What does it mean to be a gentleman today?

Answer: The most common perception for a gentleman is a man who ensures that he is chivalrous towards women. The term attaches itself to men who are courteous and treat women with respect. Gentlemen are attentive to what a woman wants and needs, yet in the same regard they understand their own value and purpose.

– Brian Cornwell.

Historically, a gentleman was a way to describe a man of character. The term gentleman has changed over the years, nowadays it’s used to describe the actions and behaviors of a man.

Perhaps they should introduce these behaviors within the education system to reinforce what I hope is being taught at home. Things such as teaching boys how to become men who are polite, calm, respectful and considerate — the cornerstone for defining what it means to be a gentleman.

Vital qualities are necessary for forming and nurturing healthy relationships.

Question: What does the modern-day gentleman look like to you?

Answer: Here’s what my views are about the quality that makes both a distinction above the base animal within:

It is the quality of grace.

We tend to have an image in our minds of a suit-clad man and a dress clad woman, but it isn’t by any true measure the defining quality. Any brute can put on a suit and be as disgraceful as one clad in filth.

One with grace is polite as their default position, slow to anger and respectful of others.

One with grace is not fearful to stand up for what is right and express themselves with the truth of their intention.

One with grace doesn’t manipulate to move ahead.

One with grace understands that they don’t know it all and strives to be more than who they are.

A gentleman is caring and kind, strong and confident in that which matters.

– Xavier Eastenbrick.

Spoken like a true gentleman.


Xavier on Twitter | Pinterest | Quora

Awakening the Heart Can Do Anything

But it takes a whole lot of courage to get there.

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A rustic wooden heart dangles on a solitary, wrought iron candelabra that my son crafted during a metal workshop lesson some years ago. It’s rough and wore-torn, and it leans slightly to one side but I love it. It stands atop a chest of file-drawers beneath the window in my office; a keepsake from his early teenage years.

I used to live in the Blue Mountains — a rugged stretch of dramatic ranges west of Sydney. It’s one of those places that seeps into your bones and forever ensnares a part of your soul. Much like the moments before dawn when the sun emerges from the sea to leave you standing in a place of awe.

Nature has a way of stripping you bare when you allow its essence to bleed into you. Connecting and grounding to our natural world is important in maintaining inner-balance and peace. They are some of the most precious moments existing throughout our lifetimes; created to nourish your soul and remind us of our humanity, as well as the eternal spirit within.

Have you ever gazed at the stars and completely surrendered yourself to their cryptic twinkles, or stood at a cliff top and succumbed to the glorious scene spreading before you?

It’s deeply humbling and empowering at the same time.

You can literally feel yourself merge with the earth’s spirit which sparks an undeniable connection to something far greater than yourself. It is through contemplating your bond with the universal spirit that will unlock the path to self-awareness and higher states of love.

God frolics among the forest treetops, snow-capped mountains and rugged coastlines. God waits for you to recognize yourself in each moment gifted to you, and every glance you didn’t really see.

I’m not religious. At all. I don’t adhere to any religious deity, and I do not use the word God in the context as such. To me, God is not a supernatural force who judges our earthly indiscretions, but a term to describe source energy — the higher intelligence governing creation and all that is. The source of unconditional love.

Let’s leave the judgement for the lower vibrational beings in our world. Those who are tethered to a set of rules and systems bred from fear and designed to control the masses. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to escape the reality concocted by fear.

Blinders.

We are born shrouded by invisible blinders that conceal the truth of the divine resources available to us. Limitation is everywhere and shown to us at the onset. It’s no wonder that we become so confused and frazzled as we move through life; that our mental health suffers beneath layers of pressure, stress and delusion.

Delusion for inauthenticity, and for the perceived limitations that we allow to determine the choices made from a closed mindset. Choices made from fear — the opposite of the unconditional love we should be aspiring toward.

Often, it is our most hearts desires that are left on the altar of authenticity. We learn to sacrifice deep love or passion because we believe that to follow our truths is too hard, selfish, or unattainable. We think we’re not good enough, smart enough or talented enough.

We believe in those blinders.

The best hippie store ever is in those mountains west of Sydney. The owner travels the world to scour exotic foreign markets in India, South East Asia and South America to gather the most exquisite, rare and usual pieces and trinkets for his store. Which actually resembles some place you might find in an obscure market alleyway in Turkey. At least, that’s what I envision.

His store was one of my most favorite places to visit when I lived in the mountains. That’s where I picked up that old timber heart piece over a decade ago. The bold message etched across its face spoke to me:

Love. The heart can do anything.

It may sound a bit mushy for those who dismiss romantic notions, but opening the heart isn’t just about romantic love. It is about choosing to live from your heart energy through practicing opening, clearing, cleansing, supporting and strengthening the heart space. 

Consider this quote from Rumi:

“A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.”

One whole heart home. Some of us are ready to forsake half-loves to take one whole heart home, but what does that mean?

It means courage.

Often, we forget to just sit with the feeling of love and allow its intense hues to fill us up until it overflows from our being. Life throws us so many challenges. We all tend to have a knack for switching off our hearts when it is convenient or when it seems too hard. The blinders close in all around us until we think there isn’t enough love inside of us to go around or turn the impossible, possible.

Closing your heart means stagnation.

It means rejecting your life-force energy, which will serve to wither your soul and narrow the scope of your world. It means settling for discontentment, getting used to feeling unfulfilled and being afraid because it is through our hearts that connects us with others and allows us to feel compassion, empathy, courage and love.

Moreover, it through our hearts that opens the channel toward realizing our connection to our sacredness — the key to transformation, joy and happiness.

Courage is vital to realizing out most fulfilling life. 

It is true that the greatest forms of love we may encounter will be our most difficult to perceive and express — the precious whole hearted love you want to take home and keep forever. 

These forms of rare love arrive to push us into greater states of awareness as they test our inner-strength and faith as our hearts reopen to love to a greater degree.

This is how the heart transforms us — through daring us to accept deeper spheres of love and contemplate new ways of thinking and being. A higher love that propels us into deep reflection, causing a significant a shift within.

It is the cycle of rebirthing your spirit.

The courageous heart is driven toward questioning the blinders to ponder higher-level concepts that will shatter preconceived notions and expectations surrounding love and limitation. 

It is through a brave heart that will move you toward fulfilling your passions, emerging into your truths and facing the challenges as you go deeper and quest longer in the name of love, ease and expansion.

Transformation is a choice.

It starts with you. Allow the energy and wisdom of your heart guide you toward transformation and living a self-focused life paved with moments of creating greater awareness.

It is through love that you will expand your mind to see past the blinders and create new realities in the world. It is through contemplating your connection to the earth and universal spirit that will act as a springboard toward awakening your heart and accepting great love in your life; and ultimately each heart transformation affects us all. 

It is time to trust in yourself that you may feel love, have compassion and find the courage to embrace all of life’s sweetest offerings. 

It is time to awaken your heart.


The Ecstasy of Soul Sex

The soul is the ultimate lover

depositphotos 134391586 xl 2015

Let’s talk about sex. I don’t mean the run-of-the-mill penetrative kind of sex that you’re used to reading about and have probably been practicing for a good portion of your adult life.

I’m talking about unearthly pleasures, sensual indulgences and exquisite peaks that exist within the deeper dimensions of your psyche – essentially, sex without the … erm … sex part.

Soul sex.

Sound weird?

There was a time when the notion of soul sex would have instantly evoked an eyeroll. I would’ve dismissed it as some farfetched concept reserved for the delusional.

So, it is important to clear this up at the onset – I’m not writing this post out of a psychiatric hospital. Promise. I am not delusional, either. But something has occured between the time when I would have found soul sex difficult to fathom to arriving here, in this moment – I encountered somebody significantly.

Someone connected in soul.    

If you stripped away your flesh and blood, what or who do you think you would be? 

Socrates said: “That energy, or soul, is separate from matter and that the universe is made of energy – pure energy.”

Including us.

Take the atom for example – it’s the basic building block for matter. Quantum physics tells us that as we go deeper and deeper into the workings of the atom, we discover that there is nothing there – just energy waves.

It says an atom is actually an invisible force field – a kind of miniature tornado which emits waves of electrical energy.

Energy.

In the realm of sexual energy, we are talking about a life-force energy that is fundamental to our humanity. It is through our sexual energy that we cultivate a relationship with desire, creativity and connectedness – not only to others but also to ourselves.

It is through our sexual energy that we learn how to own our perfectly flawed and sacred human bodies. But we are more than our human bodies. We are eternal beings experiencing a human life.

The soul is the ultimate lover.

Soul sex is much more than just an intermingling of sexual energy and desire. It is the process of becoming aware of a part of yourself that is deeply connected to another – emotionally, sexually, and spiritually, and then allowing them access to look into your soul.

Soul-merging is the ultimate act of vulnerability.

Making love in soul is the experience of completely opening yourself and surrendering to your partner. It is not unlike participating in a divine soul dance that becomes a fabric of who you are. Once your soul has recognized and united with its counterpart, you can never forget. Even if you wanted to.

This kind of love making doesn’t feel like physical sex, yet it goes beyond any pleasure known in the physical form. It feels as if you are becoming one with all that is – a feeling of complete love, connection and bliss. Perfection.

Soul sex is timeless, spaceless and absolute; it is pure universal bliss.

Merging with your soul counterpart is the definition of true love, energetic healing and intimacy because you are mating with your eternal lover – you are blending with a part of yourself that you’ve known since you came into creation.

This is why there is an element of healing that accompanies this sexual experience. Through fusing in soul with your significant other, you are essentially connecting with the love of source energy. It’s like therapy for the heart and soul.

When you allow someone access to your soul, you are granting them permission to precious places and buried secrets within you. You are allowing them to:

  • See and feel you in soul.
  • Hear your soul voice.
  • Touch, caress and entangle your soul with their own.
  • Sense your smell.
  • Invade and own your heart.
  • Know, taste and excite you in soul.
  • Kiss and make love to your soul.
  • Experience you through intricate and personal pathways.
  • Love you in your entirety. 

Granting this level of access to someone is a gift to each of you, and should be treated with the utmost of respect and privilege at all times. Unfortunately, knowing someone in soul doesn’t always equate with their outer personality and behavior.

The soul is eternally perfect. Humans are beautifully flawed.

A cautionary word.

When you encounter a person and sense their significance to you in soul, it is natural to become excited – but it’s worth stepping back to assess the situation and your soul counterpart in his human personality before investing emotionally, as these divine connections have the ability to trigger all kinds of pain and mayhem. Despite the divinity surrounding the bond.

However, once the connection ignites and you have experienced fusion at the soul level, change is inevitable. This is when you realize that no other relationship or sexual encounter before was ever deep enough. That no other love compared, nor did it quench the thirst for the deep level and transcendental loving that you never knew existed.

Until now.

If handled authentically, true soul sex can only deepen as the connection deepens. It is an endless relationship made for continual discovery, self-growth and exploration; and it will be the purest love you’ve ever had the privilege to experience here on earth. 

If you honor it.


Also published by Sexography