Introverts, life, Love and Connection, relationships, Romance, Women

The Perks of Falling in Love with an Introverted Woman

The introverted woman is a species all her own.


Two attractive women walk into a crowded bar. Their dark glossy hair contrasts against their pale lips, and the color of their eyes almost identical. You would be forgiven for mistaking them for sisters. The assumption could have been true bar for the fact that they were polar opposites in every which way but their physical similarities. None so much as their starkly different introvert/extrovert personalities.  

Most extroverted women delight in constant chitchat and colorful banter, while the introverted woman finds the prospect draining as she silently wonders if she’s missing a crucial femininity chip.

Have you noticed that some friendships come along with an alluring side of chemistry that helps to show us a different part of ourselves?

Like, that ultra femininity chip?  

Which may very well smell like a valley of roses and ylang-ylang layered over a woody base of sandalwood, vanilla, amber and patchouli.

That is, Chanel No. 5.

What? The classics are timeless.

Moving on to the usual bar scene – just about every guy in the room notices the women enter the room. Shrink-mode, right?

Well, yeah, for the introverted woman.  

Who might wonder if it is the fragrant vanilla undertones attracting their attention? Or maybe it’s….

Men can smell a sexy woman.

Were you aware?  

They can actually distinguish horniness on a woman. It’s like an additional channel in the communication of sexual interest which provides further authentication of human sexual interest. Olivia Miller wrote about it in her article, Men can smell when a woman is sexually aroused.

A little trivial info to keep an introvert’s mind occupied for a time-block.

What a turn-on.

Attention is what usually makes an extroverted woman shine. She has no trouble working the room like a prowling lioness seeking to bask in the limelight.

It is an admirable quality to an introverted woman who observes her sisters as much as anyone else, she will commonly take great amusement in the ‘show’, too.

This one is a sell-out.  

In general, women are expected to be chatty and outgoing. Western cultures in particular enshrines women who have an easy breezy, smile-at-strangers and giggle-at-everything sort of demeanor.

Can you blame an introverted woman for at times feeling somewhat ostracized?

An introverted woman is typically more inhibited, less talkative and less skilled at faking enthusiasm than extroverted women. Her quiet virtues can easily be overshadowed by the dazzling, in-your-face charm of outgoing women.

But believe me when I tell you that beneath the surface of almost every introverted woman is an inner-wild child waiting for release. She is a woman with a seriously passionate streak that she usually keeps hidden from strangers and the outside world.

Some benighted people may label her as ‘square’, or even accuse her of being snobby due to her quietness.

If they only knew the truth of what lies beneath….

An introverted woman may not be as bubbly as Gloria from Modern Family, but she does possess a sexy flair for pushing the boundaries. It stems from hours of reticent observation which she accumulates and stores in her mind about people and the world, I’m sure.

Knowledge is power and this woman is a natural learner and deep thinker. She’s reflective and self-aware, and listens before speaking.

Introverted women take note about the way people interact and behave.

She has a gift for seeing beyond the ‘fake’ types who go through life worshipping their delicate ‘image’, and she doesn’t suffer fools easily.

She’s someone real; and once she becomes truly attuned with who she is and her place in the world, she realizes that caring about the opinions of others is a waste of time.

This is why introverted women are more likely to be a risk-taker at heart – in both their personal and professional lives – because when a person is able to perceive the difference between what really matters in this life as opposed to the meaningless and ego-driven attitude’s so commonly seen in today’s society, they realize the value in authenticity.

A rare characteristic to say the least. Most people are good at talking about it, though…   

An introverted woman who has come into her own will have a natural urge to go deep and to the brink with the man she loves, and she will understand that one of life’s greatest gifts is the soulful connection she can create with her man through the embodiment of her sexuality – something a mature, self-aware person can really only appreciate.

She seeks to unlock and hold her man’s beautifully dark, primitive masculine energy within herself and together. It’s pure ecstatic love.   

Can you imagine going to that place with her?

To that sacramental realm existing for high-level lovers? It’s nowhere really tangible. A place we can only know through experience and never fully articulate.

Unbelievable love and powerful connection.   

It’s one of the greatest perks of falling in sync with an introverted woman which gives rise from her abilities to ponder the meaning of you and me, and think beyond our physicality.

Did you know that?

Hmm… what else does perks be made for loving an introverted woman?

When dragged into a social setting, introverted women hate the moment when they first walk into a place like a bar. Their extroverted girlfriends can never understand.

“Wait – but I didn’t see you looking so introverted on the dance floor last time…”

Yeah, well. A few drinks can definitely help anyone shed their inhibitions. It just so happens that introverted women have an incredible affinity with music. She can probably move her hips in ways that will get a man wondering about what’s really going on underneath all of that… erm…. reserved nature.

Let’s just say that she’s a walking contradiction. 

Introverted women aren’t nearly as innocent as they seem.

Not by a long shot.

She doesn’t invite attention but she’s the one with the eyes you’ll never forget; the energy that will long stay with you.  

You’ll have to work to get her number, too. Though it might be worth double-checking she gave you the right one – speaking for the smart guy who did just that after she had left the bar.

He ran a mile to catch up with her just as she was boarding her train back home. Breathless and waving his phone.

“You gave me the wrong number!”

Yeah, well. She didn’t have the heart to say no after he had put so much effort in leading up to the moment where he felt comfortable enough to ask.

That’s the thing about an introverted woman. She has a heart so big, that she might even hesitate at squishing an ant. Roaches and flies, however, are fair game. Those critters serve no place in her world.

Anyway….

Miss Introvert might not be easy to crack, but the way she loves is what makes her truly unique. She will reach into your heart and totally ground you with her definitive manner; she’ll elevate you to unforgettable places while glimpsing your soul with the eyes of the liberated…. the mind wide-open sees beauty in diversity.  

She will love for the sake of love – purely; wholly…. and she will ask for nothing in return but your respect and time.

Precious time.

Tell her what you mean and mean what you say, and I promise you, the perks of falling in love with an introverted woman will be the ultimate gift worth enduring.

The mind wide-open seeks to make meaningful love.  


The introverted woman is an angel and minx; she’s the demure and the gutsy; the lippy woman who contemplates great things and tells you her truths, only to retreat back into obscurity, silently wishing you could truly see her.

For those tenacious souls who take the time to search for and connect with her essence, she will open her heart to love as fiercely as very your own Magdalena – in this life or the next.

Such are the perks of an introverted woman’s love.

Two attractive women walk into a crowded bar – Who do you choose to dance with?     


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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Humor, Introverts, relationships, Uncategorized

The One Thing You Need to Know About Every Introvert

Besides not taking our need for alone time personally


The death of someone close to you can be such a redefining moment in life. Particularly for those who define themselves in terms of their relationships, as was the case for my mother. She was a wife to her husband for over thirty years and prescribed herself to that identity — everything about her life was essentially about him. For me, the co-dependent dynamics between them meant very limited time alone with her. As an introvert, the situation suited me just fine.

The thought of spending every other waking hour with either of my parents again is enough to cramp my stomach, and not because they are horrible parents. I just enjoy my life without them in my back pocket. Shoot me if that sounds harsh. I still love them to the extreme.

Things changed when my stepfather died in early 2018. Big time. His death meant that my mother had to learn to be in a world without him. It also meant that she suddenly had a lot more free time on her hands.

You know where this is going.

As well as that for the first time ever, mum had to learn how to pump her own fuel, pay her own bills and handle other aspects of finance. She has figured out how to interact with corporate people, negotiate deals and assert herself in the world. Mostly, she’s been forced to sift through her many layers and discover who she is without her husband.

We can’t run from ourselves forever, right?

Hmm…Maybe some of us can.

My mother is not into being alone. I am.

I spend hours at a time without interacting with people and I am happy doing just that. Introspection is my thing — almost to a fault.

This might sound weird to extroverted people like my mum, but I love thinking, reflecting and delving into the deepest zones of my mind. And I often lose myself in a world of my own making; analyzing, daydreaming, over-thinking situations and playing futuristic conversations and scenes in my head.

Talking to the stars even…

Ah, cerebral heaven. Is it wrong that I would rather spend my time in this reflection mode than to engage in meaningless, no-point conversations?

This is something else my mother has had to learn since she’s been on her own — she has had to learn about introverted-adult me.

This from Lifehack:

“There are several popular misconceptions surrounding introversion and extroversion. And because of this, introverts, in particular, are often misunderstood. They are often branded as shy, aloof, and even antisocial. While extroverts are described as bubbly, friendly, charismatic, and fun.”

Okay, I admit that my preference to living in my own head might sound a little aloof or unfriendly, but it’s really not. It comes down to need and sanity. I need space — lots of space. It’s the way that I process the world, my life and feelings.

Now that we spend more time together, my mother struggles to understand this about me. The fact is that I require solitary time in order to recharge, while she gets her energy from being around people.

Another fact: If I’m denied this reflection time for extended periods, I tend to get irritable and edgy. Maybe even a little grouchy.

More from Lifehack:

“In social situations, the extroverted brain is stimulated. It views social interaction as rewarding and responds as such. The thought of positive social interaction floods the brain with dopamine and drives the extrovert towards interaction as it is seeking to be rewarded.”

My mother likes to talk … a lot.To the point that it drives me crazy and then begins to deplete my energy. She likes to tell me about people — what they’re doing, where they’re going and snippets of their conversations.

Suffering, that’s what that is. I don’t want to know why so-and-so is going to Timbuktu and how the old buddy is getting the whatchamacallit. In the politest sense possible, I don’t give a fuck.

But I digress, it’s not that I don’t care about my mother and her life, I do. It’s just that I am wired differently. Like, introvert-majorly differently.

Lifehack, continued:

“The pleasure center of an introvert brain functions the same way — but with one very distinct difference. Extroverts have a more active dopamine reward network than introverts — meaning extroverts need more dopamine to feel pleasure. When dopamine floods the introvert brain, introverts do experience the feeling of excitement but it is accompanied by the feeling of being overwhelmed.”

It’s worth noting that compared to the more outgoing among us, we quieter folk are usually much less motivated and energized by “adult” rewards like money, social status and social affiliation.

We just don’t care.

It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while to introverts, it’s mostly overcooked hamburgers. We don’t need the glitzy perks or high social status to be fulfilled — we just need what’s close to our hearts, whatever that looks like.

It gets worse. Well, from an introvert’s perspective.

My mum wants to know stuff that I know too. About people. A few days ago, she asked about a friend of mine who is planning to move farther north. He and his wife are considering an island life.

Mother took it upon herself to have a rant about this decision — farther north means cyclonic weather. Island life means …. erm …. the probability of encountering unsavory-type people.

So?

I didn’t understand why she would bother wasting brainpower on other people’s life choices; she really meant that shit. I was utterly baffled.

Then came the question:

“Which island?”

Which island? Was she serious? Does she not know me?

I responded with a shrug and the truth.

“I don’t know; my brain doesn’t retain that information, mum.”

“In other words, you don’t give a fuck?”

Ding, ding! Now we’re getting somewhere. She really said that by the way. I might just be elegantly corrupting her a smidge.

Elegantly. There’s a word. It just rolls off your tongue, does it not?

We introverts like words and small talk drives us elegantly crazy in a not-so tastefully refined way.

Deeper conversations are the place where we shine like the stars we so often ponder. Julie Lombard nails it when she says:

“The general small talk chit-chat grates on my nerves ― I don’t like it and feel awkward trying to engage in it. However, discussions on more meaningful topics truly catch my interest and I can ramble on and on or listen at length with keen interest.”

Every now and then, I find myself reminding my mother that we don’t actually always need to talk. Not in a mean way, but in a “being” way.

The greatest intimacy between two people is found in comfortable silence.

That’s my take, anyway. To just “be” and share space with the people I love. There really is something in those moments when you become attuned to and connected with someone special in silence.

Anyway, my mother is still not comfortable with silence, but she is learning to redefine her understanding of what constitutes the one thing that every introvert on earth knows deep in their soul:

Sometimes silence is golden.


Also published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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