Love and Connection, relationships, Soul, Spirituality

Have You Encountered Someone from A Past Life?

Some connections never die.



“Important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.”

— Paulo Coelho

The idea of having lived before can be difficult to wrap your head around. As humans, we’re so ingrained in the here and now; caught up in our current life drama. That’s completely normal. It’s easy to believe that this present physical life is the only reality. It’s not as if we have tangible evidence to prove that we once walked the earth in a different skin in another lifetime, any more than we have concrete memories of knowing someone before actually meeting them. All we’ve got are peculiar feelings, Déjà vu-like memories and an uncanny sense of familiarity.

Reincarnation, also known as metempsychosis, transmigration, resurrection or life after death, is most characteristic of Eastern philosophy, New Age and religious beliefs that centers around the rebirthing of our non-physical essence (or soul) beginning a new life in a different physical body after death.

No doubt you’ve heard of this phenomenon as a past life, where your soul is born into another person after you expire from …. erm…. this life.

I know, the thought of being the same but not can be a bit mind-boggling and maybe even a little far-fetched. As if body-hopping is only reserved for evil serial killer entities in supernatural horror films. Except, there are many scientific experts out there with thousands of case studies behind them who believe that reincarnation is, in fact, genuine.

For instance, the late Dr Ian Stevenson dedicated much of his career to finding evidence of reincarnation. And while there can be never be irrefutable proof that reincarnation is a real thing, his work has supplied evidence suggesting in its reality.

Thinking about the soul and past lives always brings me back to Dr. Wayne Dyer and his book, Wishes Fulfilled, where he quoted an ancient spiritual avatar about the ‘real’.

“What is real?” Guru was asked.

“What is real is that which never changes,” he replied.

More from the book:

“When looking for what is real and unchanging about ourselves, we can apply this definition. There is an unchanging spark from the Creator in each of us, our highest self, a piece of God. And we are all connected.”

The way I see it is that your soul is the unchanging spark which remains the same after your present body has exhausted itself. This can definitely account for the fact that we are not just limited to one body and one life experience.

Perhaps, body-hopping isn’t just something that happens in movies after all.


Have you ever encountered someone for the first time, yet instantly felt as if you’ve known them before?

I have. It’s the strangest and most incredible feeling.

A few years back, I met someone who instantly struck a mystifying sense of familiarity in me. The feeling was so powerful that it overtook my entire being to the point that even though I tried to brush it aside, it was impossible to ignore.

Eventually, I began to accept that this was something different than I’d ever known with anyone else. I just intuitively knew that there was a soul history between us and became aware that it wasn’t in the scope of my intellectual understanding. I realized that I was deeply connected to this person, even though I had no explanation as to why I felt that way.

You’re curious. You may have met someone who feels oddly familiar without reason, and who ignites a powerful sensation that can uplift your heart as much as kill you on the inside.

Have you encountered someone from a past life? Here’s a few signs that might help you determine if it’s the real deal:

Obscure Memories

Meeting someone who activates deep soul recognition from a past life is an intense and unique experience that cannot be mistaken for anything other than an eternal bond.

You don’t consciously know it or think, “Hey, I know you from a past life”, but you do understand it at some level — the unchanging spark within you knows sacred secrets from bygone eras. You just know that your soul and theirs have shared time before.

You have no idea how or why, but you begin to remember unclear moments that manifest as random visions, flashbacks, dreams and feelings not experienced in this lifetime with this person.

You may even begin to question your sanity at times.

Internal Sensations

  • You feel an immediate “out of this world “connection with this person.
  • You experience a strange knowing that he or she was always in your life, even before they arrived.
  • The encounter and interactions conjure up an unexplainable well of deep emotions within you.
  • Confusion is your new friend as your mind struggles to catch up with your heart and soul knowledge.
  • You light up and synchronize with them right away.

The Sound of Their Voice Affects You

Hearing the voice of a past life mate is much like coming home. Their tone seems to vibrate at a frequency that was always meant to resonate with your energetic essence. As if it was some pre-determined signal organized between your souls before incarnation so that you may recognize each other.

Their sound is comforting; arousing nostalgic sensations and the deeply sentimental, and their laughter may hanker on your heart like a wistful yesteryear.

Internal Sensations

  • You feel lost and found all at the same time.
  • You sense a shift within, revealing parts of yourself you didn’t know existed.
  • All your existing plans become irrelevant as he or she totally redesigns your life.
  • You slowly understand that you will never look at life the same way.
  • You feel as if you could listen to them forever.
  • Their voice activates and unlocks your heart to create a higher meaning of love within.

They Feel Like Unfinished Business

“Connection doesn’t care about the laws of the land; your soul will be pulled to the place it belongs.”

— Unknown

Just as the sound of their voice brings you undone, so does the sense of unending “soul” business with this person. As if they have appeared in your life to challenge you in some way.

Famous psychic, Michelle Knight teaches us about past life encounters:

The souls with whom we have the deepest connection and with whom we have chosen to learn and grow with, are the ones who are there to teach us the most profound lessons. And sometimes these lessons are not easy. Just because you have known one another in a past life does not mean it will all be love and happy endings in this one.”

These challenges can manifest as either positive or negative, and the bigger the contradictions and/or obstacles, the more you will have to grow on a soul level in order to meet and understand the higher meaning.

This characteristic is one of the greatest signs that you’ve met a profound soul connection from a past life here, because this person will push you to seek new meaning and discover personal uncharted territory just by showing up in your life.

They will force you to do the inner-work.

Internal Sensations

  • The mere presence of this person demands truth and honesty at a deeply authentic level like you’ve never before experienced.
  • You experience a slight pulse that begins in your soul and grows intense when confronting deep truths and facing your demons.
  • They excite, repel and delight you as you are propelled into intense introspection, self-actualization and startling moments of clarity.
  • You feel your soul expanding and evolving as new revelations pour forth.
  • Your mind and heart blows wide open to the possibilities.
  • You begin to see everything differently.
  • You begin to distinguish between real and illusionary realities.
  • You can see right through them and them through you.
  • You discover in yourself a strength that you never knew existed.
  • They have a knack for making you feel unimportant and important simultaneously — they can break or lift you like no other.
  • You sense what they represent to you at an intricate level.
  • You know that the connection is much more than yourself and this lifetime, and realize that they are a part of you and it will always be so.

Feeling of belonging

You feel as if you’ve gazed into their eyes a thousand times before. What you see reflecting back at you is a great sense of belonging — your mirror in another person through to your soul.

As well, time and space mean nothing and your connection remains strong even when you’re apart.

The feeling of belonging is in their eyes that ignite an inner-journey toward your whole self, and the perfectly orchestrated path that led you to the exact moment of correspondence.

Belonging is in the dreams and constant confirming signs, and the way you know each other’s thoughts and emotions without having to speak it out loud. It’s in the ease in which the relationship evolves through your soul.

Internal Sensations

  • You feel like a different person around them.
  • You might feel as if your very survival depends on this person remaining in your life in a certain way.
  • You begin to merge with your subconscious-self, which does not differentiate between past, present and future.
  • Your sense of time surrounding this person becomes irrelevant.
  • You feel an intimate connection with them, even if you do not spend time together.
  • You feel an intense longing to be close to them.
  • You may feel that earth is not your true home.
  • You yearn to go home.
  • You have a great affinity for this person that continues to grow over time.
  • You now have a profound sense of wisdom and an unusual capacity to see the deeper meaning in life’s events.

If you’ve experienced these feelings and sensations before, then you have likely encountered someone from a past life who you have run into once again on your current journey.

Trust your intuition and be mindful of how you feel. And always remember that meeting someone of this soul-significance is a gift that should always be treated with the highest respect and honor.


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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Inspiration, life, life lessons, Living Out Loud Pub, Love and Connection, mindset

How The Four Happy Hormones Can Help Replenish Your Vitality

#3 Oxytocin, the love hormone.

by Gerthy Bingoly



The human body is a machine made to feel, an apparatus of excitement and pain, a box of emotions. Those feel good and feel bad moments are at the center of your everyday activities. The difference between waking up with a smile and jumping out of bed with a fright can drastically affect the tasks you planned to do.

Your energy levels, and without a doubt, your health, are closely related to the feelings happening in that little heart of yours. It’s a complex relationship, or rather an equation. One, I believe, we must solve every day.

When your energy level is high, you have more resources to help you during the day. From excitement to pain tolerance and from focus to willpower, you have more tools to power through the intricacies life throws at you, more means to resist the temptation of that snooze button.

On the contrary, when your energy level is low, the absence of those resources, the absence of that net, leaves you exposed to most of the negative feelings out there. Thus, the tendencies to take the path of least resistance.

Happiness has the power to bring you the energy you need. By understanding your body, you have the chance to create that feeling of well-being, joy, and contentment. Those four hormones can help you on that journey.


1. Dopamine, The Anticipation Hormone

Dopamine is known as the feel-good neurotransmitter — a chemical that ferries information between neurons. The brain releases it when we eat food that we crave or while we have sex, contributing to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction as part of the reward system.

Some twenty years ago, the little kid I was, was always excited at the start of December. Every first of the month, I would write a letter to Santa and then eagerly wait to unpack my gifts. That little action of putting words on paper was enough to make me happy and full of energy for the weeks to come.

The little kids have it a bit easier here: more things to discover and less to worry about — in most cases. As adults, you can do the same. You can use anticipation to bring happiness into your daily life.

I wake up at 4 am every Monday to Friday, and while I do my best to be in bed before 10 pm, a good night’s sleep is not the only reason why my phone and the wall haven’t met yet. I know I’m lazy, so I give myself rewards throughout the day. Every four hours, to be exact.

Early in the morning, I give myself a bit of social media time. When the sun starts waking up, just before work, it’s my cartoon time, with a bowl of cereals and some sweets. At noon, it’s lunch and fresh air. When twilight rings, I let my body sweat as I work out. And when the day is about to end, I give my body the pleasure of sleep.

It can be a food you’re eager to eat, a book you’re excited to read, someone you want to meet, an oncoming gathering with loved ones, or simply watching the sunset. In either case, you can use those little things you like to make you happier. Reward yourself.


2. Endorphins, The Soothing Hormone

When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine.

A lot of people exercise nowadays. You don’t even have to look on your phone, take a peek out your window long enough, and you’ll see someone jogging outside. While some people train for a competition or simply to stay in shape, you can use it to be a little happier.

You don’t have to work out for one hour every day. You don’t even have to go to the gym. Fifteen minutes in the comfort of your home is enough. Sweat a bit, don’t forget to stretch and take a good shower — a simple formula of happiness.

Exercising is good for the focus it provides, it’s a good method to center yourself and calm your emotions. And it comes with a bonus. It makes you hella proud of yourself.


3. Oxytocin, The Love Hormone

Oxytocin is typically linked to warm, fuzzy feelings and shown in some research to lower stress and anxiety. It has the power to regulate our emotional responses and pro-social behaviors, including trust, empathy, gazing, positive memories, processing of bonding cues, and positive communication.

Love can give us the strength to slay giants. Ask Goliath if you don’t believe me. It’s one of those feelings that can make you look like another person, a version of yourself you didn’t know existed. It can make you shine with confidence and unexpected willpower.

And I’m not just talking about passionate love. Any kind of love has the power to make you happy. We’re social beings. We like to be connected to people, in touch or thought.

While it is okay to be alone, and I insist on this, it is okay to be alone. It is also okay to take time for yourself, time to heal. But please, find the strength to connect with the ones you love.

Life is about balance, and nothing is created out of nothing. Every one of us is busy living his life, and most often than not, we’re not aware of the whereabouts of others. Don’t wait for happiness, don’t wait for love, take action, and go get it. It is your right, and you deserve it.

There are lots of ways to feel love.

About one month ago, I started a “hello stranger” routine (if you have a cooler name, let me know). Each time I entered any store, I took the time to talk to one person, usually the cashier or the employee on the floor. We would talk about anything, deviating from the product to life, talking about a Netflix show in a cannabis store, or about engineering in a shopping center.

Love creates love, and happiness creates happiness. Spread them, and they’ll surely come back to you. It’s contagious.

Talk to someone, call a friend, or cuddle your cat. But take action, your body and your heart will thank you for it. Though, do it at your own pace, one step at a time.


4. Serotonin, The Mood Hormone

Serotonin is the key hormone that stabilizes your mood, feelings of well-being, and happiness. This hormone impacts your entire body. It enables brain cells and other nervous system cells to communicate with each other.

The phrase “you are what you eat” takes all its sense here. One thing you can do to regulate your mood hormone is to control your diet, not to reduce your weight, but to feel comfortable in your body.

Every morning, as soon as I wake up, my bottle of water is waiting for me at my bedside. A couple of sips and I’m ready to go out of bed. The human body is made of 60 percent of water, more so in the brain and the lungs, and one glass can jump-start your metabolism.

What you eat during the day also matters, particularly at lunch. I’m not a nutritionist, but a well-constructed meal of protein, veggies, and fewer carbs, does wonder for my body. And taking a short walk in the sun lightens up my mood for the rest of the afternoon.

A good night’s sleep can also help improve your levels of serotonin. And with it your mood the next morning. In the evening, a light meal usually does the trick. You don’t want to put too much strain on your stomach while Morpheus is calling you.


The Takeaway

The human body is like an engine, and like every machine, it needs fuel to rise to its full potential. That energy can be found in the small actions you take during the day, actions endowed with happiness.

And of course some days you’ll be sad. Always acknowledge your feelings, but remember that you cannot protect yourself from sadness without opening your heart to happiness.

Benjamin Franklin said:

Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life.”

You don’t have to wait for the day, and you don’t have to wait for the one. You can take action now. Life is much more enjoyable when we have the strength to live it.


ABOUT GERTHY BINGOLY

Writing about the things the eye cannot see, and looking for inspiration where my feet cannot take me. Write me a few words at gerthywrites@gmail.com or reach me on instagram.com/gerthywrites


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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Inspiration, life, life lessons, Living Out Loud Pub

How to Absolutely, Positively Get Life Right

By Julia Hubbel

Before you throw your laptop at my head, read this first:

  • The best way to be different is to consistently do the things other people refuse to do.
  • The best way to live the life you dream is to stop obsessing about what other people think.
  • The best way to succeed is to out think, out hustle, and outwork everyone else. Not to avoid the work, but to do more of it, do it better and be willing to make the sacrifices others can’t be bothered to make.

Let’s talk about what that means in real life…

There is no perfect way to be or live as long as you are following someone else’s way of being or living. The single best way to live a life full of joy for ourselves is to be willing to do the work to identify what gives us joy. What ways can you and I make a difference in the world are unique to us, whether that means getting into police work or becoming a social worker, learning to be a college professor and sharing your love of Shakespeare, or finding your expression through art.

My life has been immeasurably improved by people such as the community college professor who got into teaching simply because she wanted to share her passion for Shakespeare with a bunch of Florida youngsters. I will forever be indebted to her for helping me feel his words, rather than just read them. I still love the bard’s material, for she taught me how to love literature my way, not her way. That has been a lifetime gift. How would you love to be remembered decades later for being such a powerful influence in a young life? Five decades later I still think about her. That is an influencer in the best possible way.

There is no perfect way to journey to your best life. The only way we get there is our way, which can be helped, but not lived, by others. We can solicit advice, but one of the prices we pay for wisdom is knowing when said advice doesn’t necessarily apply to us. Our parents may want us to follow a certain career path, because it gives them pride and social bragging rights. Our hearts may say that we’d be far happier doing Peace Corps work, which may not impress their social circle but which feeds our soul. This may lead to disagreement, but you are following your heart.

My father was both irritated and disappointed when I told him I didn’t want kids and was doing something about it permanently. Dad wanted grandkids, I didn’t want children. To have had kids to please my father would have been disastrous for both of us, to say nothing of the kids. Often, those of us who have pretty clear ideas about being parents know it early. No matter what social pressures exist to do otherwise, following our hearts in this matter is likely better all around, for being willing to stand your ground to live the life you prefer is a key part of becoming a fully-realized adult. You don’t owe your parents grandchildren. You owe the world, and yourself, a well-lived life, which may not mean you bear children. That’s for you to decide.

I joined the Army in 1973, an act that nearly drove my mother over a cliff. That turned out to be one of the smartest moves of my life. Seriously good and seriously bad things happened, but in nearly every conceivable way those five years fundamentally redirected and structured my life for the better. Had I listened to my mother, or to friends, I never would have joined in the waning years of the Vietnam War.

That was a hugely unpopular move for the time, especially for a woman. It was right for me, and that is all that matters. I had done my research, looked at all the services, and before I took the oath I knew what I was getting into, at least as best as anyone can with such a monumental decision. I didn’t worry about what folks thought. The Army was right for me right then.

There is no way to hack, outsmart, avoid or otherwise sidestep the real work. While the above quotes say to “out hustle,” that has nothing whatsoever to do with finding ways around the difficult, sometimes overwhelming effort it can take to get where you want to go. That might be your PhD, it could be an around the world adventure, it doesn’t matter. My boyfriend was the youngest of four boys. Growing up in Jersey, he had a brute of a father who regularly beat the kids. He got the worst of it, until he discovered weight lifting. He threw his whole heart and soul into learning how to build his muscles and his strength. Eventually there came a day when, even as a very young man, he backed his father off, once and for all.

When my boyfriend went away to college, out of sheer spite for the fact that he could no longer bully his youngest boy, the father tossed out all of his son’s many bodybuilding trophies. But he couldn’t change the fact that his son, now in his early fifties and still incredibly fit, had done the work. And had forced his hand, a hand he would never use against his family again. The self-discipline that my boyfriend learned as a skinny adolescent he still applies today. The fit bodies he and I both have are the result of endless hours in the gym and disciplined eating. There are no easy shortcuts. And finally….

Fear is infectious

Other’s fear about what might happen to you can cripple your hopes and dreams. My mother was fearful her whole life, from her terror about the Army to every single other major decision I made. Especially about sports. My mother had been an excellent horse rider, and she had dreams to travel to Africa. Yet when I took on some hair-raising sports, such as sky diving, all I heard was that I had a “death wish.” When I traveled to Africa and Australia, I had a “death wish.”

In fact, yes, I did. But not the way she meant it.



I didn’t want to die having not lived life the way I wished to live it

I learned, finally, not to tell my mother about anything I did until after I’d already done it. Until the big reveal, she was in blissful ignorance about my latest adventures. She may have (and did) envied me, but she didn’t have faith in me. That’s crippling — but that lack of faith had nothing to do with me whatsoever. Those were fears she carried. That’s the same thing that happens when others try to talk you out of your dreams. Their commitment to hold you back has less to do with a genuine concern for your safety (unless they know you to be an irrational, irresponsible fool, which is another story entirely) than it does with operating out of their own insecurities or jealousies. You simply cannot live an extraordinary life listening to the fears of ordinary people who cannot see or feel what you do.

There is nothing wrong with living an ordinary life. Most of us are achingly ordinary in most things. Billions wear size Medium. Billions have brown eyes. Billions share a great many characteristics.

But only a few live extraordinary lives. The trick is to decide that you are worth the work, then to do the work, and don’t ask for others to approve. Chances are, they won’t.

For my part, that’s a pretty good indicator that I’m on the right track.


The author kayaking in the Svalbard Islands – Julia Hubbel

About Julia Hubbel

Horizon Huntress, prize-winning author, adventure traveler, boundary-pusher, wilder, veteran, aging vibrantly. I own my sh*t. Let’s play!

Read more of Julia’s work on Medium


Also published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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life, writing

My Words Dried Up

by Catherine Evans


I’m just starting to find them again


Towards the end of 2019, my words stopped.

I had no words to express myself, my thoughts and feelings, about what was happening in Australia — bushfires, destruction, loss.

I still don’t have words to express that, or for the global pandemic that happened next. Nor for the chaos around the world, the illumination of broken of systems, and everything that is happening.

At the beginning, I panicked. A writer without words is pretty damn useless.

I took photos of nature while I turned inward, searching for what was blocking my words. Was I not voicing something? Was I not in touch with myself? Was there a fear of publishing? Some other fear? What was wrong with me?

As the year progressed, and words remained elusive, I thought about my learning style. When I do a writing course, I learn so much that I have to stop writing until I can process all the knowledge. It’s weird, but it’s how I work.

Living in tumultuous times is a form of learning. I’m constantly analyzing what I’m seeing, hearing, and learning. What’s causing this? What do I need to do now? How can I do better? What does this mean? These questions aren’t too dissimilar to what I ask myself when I’m learning new skills for writing.

My struggle to process, understand, adjust, and change, has left me with little energy to produce words. I’m still trying to understand what is happening — there’s no way I can produce words.


How did I manage?

A few years ago, I made a conscious decision to ‘go with the flow’. If words weren’t flowing, I needed to honor myself and spend the time doing something else.

I took the year off. After a time, I even stopped berating myself for my ‘failing’.

As 2020 inched towards a close, my fingers began to itch and my brain began to find a word or two. Nothing substantial, let me assure you, but a word, then a thought. Ideas started to pop into my mind. Characters left a snippet of a conversation behind.

I became ridiculously excited and planned writing, books, going back to what I was doing before.

Ha! Life. I think it may have other plans for me.

I got 5000 words into a planned 60, 000 word story…and it’s rubbish. Usually I can get much further before I decide that, then push on because I know it’s my fear talking. This time, I don’t think it’s fear. Not that I really know.

I suspect I’ve changed. If I’ve changed, then my writing will need to change because it’s such a strong part of me.

The problem with that is that I’m not yet sure how I’ve changed and what that means for my writing — and that’s more than a bit frustrating!


Now what?

Which brings me here, today, where I have a few words…but I’m not sure what they say, where they fit, what they mean, or why I’m writing them.

However, maybe there are others who’ve lost their words too. If so, you’re not alone.

If not, then I’m alone, and that’s okay because I’m still working things out. I do that best alone.


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium


About Catherine Evans

From Medium: Catherine Evans is an Australian, writer and creator. Inspired by nature and living. Weird thoughts are entirely my own, and I know they’re often not like other people’s!

Browse Catherine Evans at her Website.


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Creativity, life, mindset, Newsletter, writing

New Year Energy Revolution

Who and how do you want to be in the world now?


You’ve felt the universal lull lately. The void. In past months, you’ve succumbed to a sense of nothingness. Captured in a loop of indecisiveness. Loneliness or abandonment.

It is as if we’ve all been suspended in vain, waiting for the slightest sign… a shift…. an omen. Waiting to realize the healing secrets of the moon, illuminating a new path.

Haven’t we all been waiting for change?

Transformation is now

Planetary trends and universal energy point towards a new landscape for 2021 and beyond, suggesting new vibrations and energetic frequencies. Meaning great potential and opportunity for a whole new life experience.

“Riding on the crest of a grand conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn in Aquarius, the atmosphere is high minded, hopeful and inspired.”

 Astrologist Belinda Dunn

The 2021 energy-revolution is an artisan time of huge creativity, harmonious collaborations and deep inner-trust, as we die to old ways of being, shed our stale skins and societal imprints to embrace the new and improved.

It is now time to stretch our wings in freedom to make choices from within about who we are, what we want, and whom we want to be with.

Saint Germain said:

“There is nothing that comes into the physical form which is not first perfected on the invisible or higher planes.”

In other words, how you perceive the world needs to be seeded from the inside. That’s what gives rise to a new sense of self and manifestation.

The January 2021 Revolution is about releasing old structures and mindsets that no longer serve us and allowing ourselves to go to the next level; thinking of what and who is most important to us and bringing in something new, better…. evolved.

Let’s celebrate harmonious collaborations, energetic revolutions and co-creation together.

This month, Living Out Loud invites writers to share our deepest dreams and strangest musings. Let us create, see, trust and support each other, and let us get a little wild.


Dear Writer,

Who do you want to be now? How do you want to affect the world? And who do you most want to share your life with during these transformative times?

Julia E Hubbel ♥ Gerthy Bingoly ♥ Catherine Evans ♥ Jennifer M. Wilson
Wistful writer ♥ Genius Turner ♥ Kate Mackay ♥ Harley Christensen
David Gerken ♥ Kevin Horton ♥ Kevin Ervin Kelley, AIA ♥ Kate Conradie
Cynthia Webb ♥ Elna Cain ♥ Deeksha Agrawal ♥ Rosie Wylor-Owen
Christopher Wills ♥ Clarrisa Lee ♥ George Frey ♥ Matt Lillywhite
Beth Prentice ♥ Kaia Maeve Tingley ♥ Em Hoccane ♥ Ana Ryan
Kara Summers ♥ Michael Grimes ♥ Anna Foga
Albert Heemeijer — Author at Balboa / HayHouse ♥ Surbhi Tak
Ellen McRae ♥ Anna & Ryan ♥ HKB ♥ Amanda Clark-Rudolph

Love & 2021 Revolution,

Kim, Harley & Lexi

#RealLifeNow

P.S. A HUGE shout out to our wonderful writers who have contributed their stories to our little publication this past month. It’s an honor to share your work with the world.


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How The Four Happy Hormones Can Help Replenish Your Vitality by Gerthy Bingoly

Unearned Cheap Thrills are for Amateurs. by Julia E Hubbel


Creativity

#CreativeLocomotion #Poetry #fiction

My Guiding Light by Gerthy Bingoly

Where The Green Grass Grows by A.j Thomas

Helping Other Writers by Catherine Evans

Not Just a Writer by Catherine Evans

My Words Dried Up by Catherine Evans

The Perfection of Breathing by Catherine Evans

Writing Events and Conferences by Catherine Evans


Published at Living Out Loud on Medium

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life, Love and Connection, relationships, Romance

16 Facts About Love That Might Surprise You

Other than what John Lennon said….


There’s no doubt about it, love is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

But have you ever stopped to consider why you feel the way you do?

Alright, so your one-and-only is the most incredibly sexy and creatively talented person you have ever encountered. He’s got you feeling like Zepplin’s Whole Lotta Love most daysand the others?

He drives you up batty-alley.

What is it about love, anyhow? Why do we physically fall in love, and what are some of the determining factors?

An endlessly fascinating subject.

The following are some interesting love-facts that might (or might not) surprise you.

And they are:

1. Two Hearts Really Do Beat as One

Yup —when you are in love, it’s not a myth. Apparently, when you gaze into your lover’s eyes for 3 minutes or longer, your heartbeats’ will naturally synchronize.

And you know what that means, don’t you?

Bingo — we really do connect through the heart and experience deep love via the windows of our souls.

2. Love Triggers an Empathetic Response

When two people are deeply bonded together, their empathy and compassion for each other turns into fire-on-water. As in an intense, selfless and at times, logic-defying phenomena — when your lover hurts, you hurt. When they bleed…

Well, you get the drift.

Don’t freak out if you experience this type of thing with your beloved, just means that your chemical love-bonds are doing pretty great in the connection department.

3. Eye Contact During Sex and Foreplay Arouses a Woman More Than When Your Eyes Are Closed

Please, please never underestimate the power of a lover’s romantic glare.

You do realize how hot and, erm… excited great eye contact can make a woman feel, right?

Extremely. Arousing.

4. The Longer You Hide Your Feelings for Someone the Harder You Fall for Them

Hmm…noted.

I love you.

5. Unexpected Love Lasts Far Longer

Then out of nowhere, I met you.

The magic of unexpected love is a game-changer, usually showing up in our lives to generate a storm, shake things up and initiate deep inner-transformation.

Like a gift, yeah.

Yeah.

It’s almost always the purest and passionate of love that we will experience during our lifetimes.

Which brings me to….

6. The Deeper Your Feelings are For Someone, the Harder They Are to Express

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t express.

Though, sometimes there are just not enough words to justify the depth of our feelings, and our deepest admiration stands strong in pure silence.

Psychology Fact: The deeper your feelings the harder they are to express.

7. Bedrooms Will Influence Your Love Life

You know how when you enter a room and the energy of that space makes you feel a certain way? It’s the combo of scents, sounds and visuals sparking your senses and prompting your brain to interpret and react to your surroundings.

Well, the same applies for how your bedroom impacts the intimacy levels in a relationship.

Sexologist and relationship expert, Jessica O’Reilly has this to say about it:

“The way you choose to decorate your bedroom isn’t just aesthetic — the objects, scents, textures and sounds in your bedroom all subtly influence intimacy, especially if you share the space with a significant other.”

Yes, you may want to think twice about that TV sitting on your dresser or where you position your phone charger at night — they could very well be inhibiting your sex life.

8. Testosterone Plays a Powerful Role in a Man’s Love Life

Wearing cologne that simulates the odour of testosterone can enhance a woman’s love and attraction for you.

Here’s a list of male fragrances that I just Googled to get you going:

Top 10 Best Colognes to Attract Females 2020

9. Taking Someone on a First Date That Gets Their Heart Pumping Increases Their Chances of Falling in Love

Think roller coasters, fast cars or even a thriller movie.

Why?

Because it spikes their adrenaline and tricks them into believing they enjoyed spending time with you more than with any other person.

Danger is intoxicatingly giddy-exciting.

Though, keep in mind that….

10. You’ve Got About 27 Seconds to Make a Good Impression on Someone…

Andthe average person knows within 15 minutes into a date whether or not they want to see you again.

Make it count. Take a leap. Live dangerously.

11. Not arguing at all in a relationship suggests a lack of interest

People who care about one another tend to argue now and again.

Keep it fair and don’t forget to laugh at yourself and with each other.

12. Heartbreak is Real

Separation from a loved one can cause real physical pain. It is called Broken Heart Syndrome and is caused by emotional distress.

13. Breakups Are Tougher on Men

Yes, men are more likely to be emotionally affected by breakups than women, and…

14. Women Initiate More Divorces Than Men

On average, a woman suffers less post-breakup.

15. And Then She Will Change Her Hair

It’s a self-concept/letting go/I’m-in-control of my life thing.

New hair is like a new beginning; it just makes us feel better.

Speaking of hair…

16. People with More Toe Hair Are Better Lovers

Do you believe me?

Check your toes…


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium.

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poetry, writing

Please — Stop the Madness!

A Poem by Harley Christensen


Constant chatter…

Pummels my mind.

A barrage of opinions…innuendos…wild conjectures…

Everywhere I turn…screaming for attention.

Warning: Possible Information Overload

Too much to process…

Nowhere to escape.

Can’t…think…straight…

Warning: Fatal Error Has Occurred — Must Shut Down

Entering recovery mode…

Silence greets me…

Precious, beautiful silence.

Stop the madness…

Embrace the quiet.


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium


About Harley

Harley Christensen is originally from a speck of a town in the Pacific Northwest, currently living in Phoenix, Arizona with her significant other and their mischievous motley crew of rescue dogs (aka the “kids”).

She is the author of the Mischievous Malamute Mystery Series and a new six-part series of suspense novellas, called Six Seasons

Visit Harley’s Website: https://www.mischievousmalamute.com/about-harley/

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Introverts, life, Love and Connection, relationships, Romance, Women

The Perks of Falling in Love with an Introverted Woman

The introverted woman is a species all her own.


Two attractive women walk into a crowded bar. Their dark glossy hair contrasts against their pale lips, and the color of their eyes almost identical. You would be forgiven for mistaking them for sisters. The assumption could have been true bar for the fact that they were polar opposites in every which way but their physical similarities. None so much as their starkly different introvert/extrovert personalities.  

Most extroverted women delight in constant chitchat and colorful banter, while the introverted woman finds the prospect draining as she silently wonders if she’s missing a crucial femininity chip.

Have you noticed that some friendships come along with an alluring side of chemistry that helps to show us a different part of ourselves?

Like, that ultra femininity chip?  

Which may very well smell like a valley of roses and ylang-ylang layered over a woody base of sandalwood, vanilla, amber and patchouli.

That is, Chanel No. 5.

What? The classics are timeless.

Moving on to the usual bar scene – just about every guy in the room notices the women enter the room. Shrink-mode, right?

Well, yeah, for the introverted woman.  

Who might wonder if it is the fragrant vanilla undertones attracting their attention? Or maybe it’s….

Men can smell a sexy woman.

Were you aware?  

They can actually distinguish horniness on a woman. It’s like an additional channel in the communication of sexual interest which provides further authentication of human sexual interest. Olivia Miller wrote about it in her article, Men can smell when a woman is sexually aroused.

A little trivial info to keep an introvert’s mind occupied for a time-block.

What a turn-on.

Attention is what usually makes an extroverted woman shine. She has no trouble working the room like a prowling lioness seeking to bask in the limelight.

It is an admirable quality to an introverted woman who observes her sisters as much as anyone else, she will commonly take great amusement in the ‘show’, too.

This one is a sell-out.  

In general, women are expected to be chatty and outgoing. Western cultures in particular enshrines women who have an easy breezy, smile-at-strangers and giggle-at-everything sort of demeanor.

Can you blame an introverted woman for at times feeling somewhat ostracized?

An introverted woman is typically more inhibited, less talkative and less skilled at faking enthusiasm than extroverted women. Her quiet virtues can easily be overshadowed by the dazzling, in-your-face charm of outgoing women.

But believe me when I tell you that beneath the surface of almost every introverted woman is an inner-wild child waiting for release. She is a woman with a seriously passionate streak that she usually keeps hidden from strangers and the outside world.

Some benighted people may label her as ‘square’, or even accuse her of being snobby due to her quietness.

If they only knew the truth of what lies beneath….

An introverted woman may not be as bubbly as Gloria from Modern Family, but she does possess a sexy flair for pushing the boundaries. It stems from hours of reticent observation which she accumulates and stores in her mind about people and the world, I’m sure.

Knowledge is power and this woman is a natural learner and deep thinker. She’s reflective and self-aware, and listens before speaking.

Introverted women take note about the way people interact and behave.

She has a gift for seeing beyond the ‘fake’ types who go through life worshipping their delicate ‘image’, and she doesn’t suffer fools easily.

She’s someone real; and once she becomes truly attuned with who she is and her place in the world, she realizes that caring about the opinions of others is a waste of time.

This is why introverted women are more likely to be a risk-taker at heart – in both their personal and professional lives – because when a person is able to perceive the difference between what really matters in this life as opposed to the meaningless and ego-driven attitude’s so commonly seen in today’s society, they realize the value in authenticity.

A rare characteristic to say the least. Most people are good at talking about it, though…   

An introverted woman who has come into her own will have a natural urge to go deep and to the brink with the man she loves, and she will understand that one of life’s greatest gifts is the soulful connection she can create with her man through the embodiment of her sexuality – something a mature, self-aware person can really only appreciate.

She seeks to unlock and hold her man’s beautifully dark, primitive masculine energy within herself and together. It’s pure ecstatic love.   

Can you imagine going to that place with her?

To that sacramental realm existing for high-level lovers? It’s nowhere really tangible. A place we can only know through experience and never fully articulate.

Unbelievable love and powerful connection.   

It’s one of the greatest perks of falling in sync with an introverted woman which gives rise from her abilities to ponder the meaning of you and me, and think beyond our physicality.

Did you know that?

Hmm… what else does perks be made for loving an introverted woman?

When dragged into a social setting, introverted women hate the moment when they first walk into a place like a bar. Their extroverted girlfriends can never understand.

“Wait – but I didn’t see you looking so introverted on the dance floor last time…”

Yeah, well. A few drinks can definitely help anyone shed their inhibitions. It just so happens that introverted women have an incredible affinity with music. She can probably move her hips in ways that will get a man wondering about what’s really going on underneath all of that… erm…. reserved nature.

Let’s just say that she’s a walking contradiction. 

Introverted women aren’t nearly as innocent as they seem.

Not by a long shot.

She doesn’t invite attention but she’s the one with the eyes you’ll never forget; the energy that will long stay with you.  

You’ll have to work to get her number, too. Though it might be worth double-checking she gave you the right one – speaking for the smart guy who did just that after she had left the bar.

He ran a mile to catch up with her just as she was boarding her train back home. Breathless and waving his phone.

“You gave me the wrong number!”

Yeah, well. She didn’t have the heart to say no after he had put so much effort in leading up to the moment where he felt comfortable enough to ask.

That’s the thing about an introverted woman. She has a heart so big, that she might even hesitate at squishing an ant. Roaches and flies, however, are fair game. Those critters serve no place in her world.

Anyway….

Miss Introvert might not be easy to crack, but the way she loves is what makes her truly unique. She will reach into your heart and totally ground you with her definitive manner; she’ll elevate you to unforgettable places while glimpsing your soul with the eyes of the liberated…. the mind wide-open sees beauty in diversity.  

She will love for the sake of love – purely; wholly…. and she will ask for nothing in return but your respect and time.

Precious time.

Tell her what you mean and mean what you say, and I promise you, the perks of falling in love with an introverted woman will be the ultimate gift worth enduring.

The mind wide-open seeks to make meaningful love.  


The introverted woman is an angel and minx; she’s the demure and the gutsy; the lippy woman who contemplates great things and tells you her truths, only to retreat back into obscurity, silently wishing you could truly see her.

For those tenacious souls who take the time to search for and connect with her essence, she will open her heart to love as fiercely as very your own Magdalena – in this life or the next.

Such are the perks of an introverted woman’s love.

Two attractive women walk into a crowded bar – Who do you choose to dance with?     


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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life, Love and Connection, Nonfiction, relationships, Romance, sexuality

The Things You Should Think Twice About Telling Your Lover

Say what you mean.

I don’t know about you, but saying what I mean usually manifests between either delivering my opinion straight from the hip and dead-center with the people in my life, or an awkward bunch of words skimming around the point in an attempt to avoid hurting feelings.

Yes, I have a tendency leaning toward the blunt side, depending on the matter at hand, what kind of mood I’m in and who’s standing in front of me.

The fact is that the blunt side of me is both a blessing and a curse, which finds me biting my tongue more often than not to then reselect my choice of words.

It’s true that I might sometimes forget to soften the word-delivery, or that I’m just plain clueless with how it comes out. Other times, I’ll produce a nice verbal slice in the exact way intended.

Boom!

I just said what I meant. Again.

Granted, those “boom” moments are usually the same ones when my husband might be inclined to call me a bitch. But hey, if I’m going to be blunt with anyone in this world, it’s going to be him.

At least he doesn’t have to play guessing games when it comes to me. Well, for the most part, that is, because this article is about the things we should think twice about telling our partners.

He doesn’t know everything about me.

Say What You Mean

A lot of things hinge on your ability to be honest with your lover. If you can say what you mean and actually mean what you say, you get to experience deeper connection and greater love.

Moreover, it’s no secret that open communication is key to a successful relationship. Better communication between you and your lover definitely helps to strengthen trust and support, which leads to more confidence in the relationship.

It’s how we fully connect and bond with our mate.

This might sound sentimental (and maybe a bit dreamy); but I like to think of love like a meadow of wildflowers. If we don’t want our wildflowers to wilt and die, we must water them. Similarly, if we don’t want our love to suffer from lack of nourishment, we mustn’t let our communication become a drought.

Fact is fact: Miscommunication sucks.

I mean, we all know that horrible feeling you get in your stomach when there has been a severe bout of miscommunication with your mate.

Right? It feels as if your gut is twisting inside out as you try to find a way to fix things.

But, is it really necessary to always say what you mean to your lover?

I think not.

Communication with your mate is vital in keeping the spark and love alive between you, but as far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to tell your partner everything under the sun. In fact, keeping a few thoughts to yourself can be favorable, especially if they don’t contribute to your relationship in a positive way.

I like how relationship and dating expert, Jonathon Bennett puts it when he says:

“Total honesty isn’t always the best policy …. if revealing this information will serve no real purpose, or if it will cause hurt feelings, then it may be something worth keeping to yourself.”

I couldn’t agree more.

With that in mind, and a generous side of sweetly-blunt banter, here are three things that might be best kept to yourself when it comes to your lover — like:

The Dirt on Past Relationships

Okay, so your ex was a crucial part of your life.

You shared time together. Obviously, he or she meant something to you.

I know that it feels natural to want to talk about your ex with your newest beau and that at some point, your ex will probably come up in your discussions — but the whole ex-topic talk really is like treading treacherous waters.

You don’t want to sound bitter or obsessive, and you definitely don’t want to reveal the dirt on what went wrong in that relationship.

Why?

Because no one really wants to hear about it. No joke.

Personally, I’m not interested in hearing the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ of my husband’s past relationships, nor do I tell him about mine.

And while we are lingering in this corner of truth, I’m going to go ahead and suggest that even the most confident among us cannot help but experience a touch of comparisonitis with whoever came before us.

God forbid if it was someone who resembled Jessica Alba on a bad day.

We don’t want to be Jessica Alba, or like any other ex for that matter.

We’re not her.

Nor is your man Brad Pitt.

The moral to this story is this:

You’re on a clean slate now — a new beginning with a new life stretching before you, filled with more opportunities to learn and grow from past relationships enough to make the next one even better.

Besides, the way you speak about your ex says more about you than it does about them; and to be sure, bitterness and grudge-holding are not attractive by any means.

Justin Myers from GQ Magazine reinforces the point when he says: “Your new partner will have endured heartbreak too; don’t be afraid to open up. The key, though, is to focus on the positive.”

It’s also worth mentioning that your current partner is not your ex and shouldn’t have to bleed for old hurts caused by others — whether it’s trust issues or not, your past demons are yours to conquer and not someone else’s.

Avoid transferring old love-patterns and behaviors into a brand-new union by spilling the dirt on what happened with your ex — your partner is not your shrink.

Sex with Past Lovers

No brainer, right?

Duh.

Well, it should be.

Before we get into the ooh-la-la of relationships, just a quick reminder that you never have sex with just a body; it’s a shared experience with another person, and that makes the act sacred.

Okay, I realize it can be somewhat natural to share little tidbits about an especially gifted lover with a friend every now and then — maybe you’ve hit the jackpot in the junk department and your bed has suddenly transformed into an erotic sex scene from Don Jon.

When your world is rocking to the beat of Meg Myers’, Desire, ican be hard to keep it completely to yourself.

I have to admit that this is particularly true for women when it comes to the art of oral sex — our mental cunnilingus list probably includes every guy we’ve slept with who is naturally skilled and proficient at tongue direction.

And we’ll always remember this vital piece of intel about other men who we haven’t slept with, too. This stuff just stays with us.

Like a permanent impression.

In light of the above-mentioned points, it might be tempting to share the gifts of past lovers with your current partner.

Don’t. Just don’t.

Why?

Because it’s very uncool, that’s why.

No one needs to go down the self-doubt path and wonder if they are as good as your ex-lover in the bedroom.

Life, love and relationships are trivial enough.

For instance, I know that my husband had sex with a lot of other women before he met me, but that doesn’t mean I want the lowdown on the juicy details.

No. Thank you.

And honestly, he doesn’t want to know if my past lovers were better or worse at oral sex, either.

The thing about sex is that it is different with each partner. Nobody will ever feel the same way between the sheets — some lovers will feel more natural than others.

Like an energetic fire-blend of pure and raw lovemaking.

They are usually the same lovers who will feel distinctly special; as if you are intimately involved in a higher energy-fusion where you experience deep connection on all levels — not unlike a “home” feel.

Other lovers may feel more like a squatter looking for somewhere to hole up for a good chunk of your life.

Erm …. and that’s because with each new lover, the love that you make through the connection essentially creates its own sexy and unique vibrational pulse.

Like an intimate, soulful sex dance for two.

Consider this quote from Sexuality as a Sacred Power:

“Sexuality itself is a sacred life force and the conceiving power in the universe. When we allow it to flow freely, it elicits deep feelings of longing, desire and passion, and in the blissful unifying act produces immense healing for our bodies and souls.”

Obviously, the details of such authentic and sacred experiences should be honored in a way that credits your sexual union with past lovers — keep your lips zipped.

Your Opinion About Your Lover’s Friends & Family

“A fool is made more of a fool, when their mouth is more open than their mind.”

― Anthony Liccione

Need I say more?

Alright, so you can clearly see that his best buddy is a complete oxymoron. You find it difficult to tolerate someone who is a walking hypocrite at the best of times and has trouble understanding anything remotely out of his scope of awareness.

Life is full of people like that.

Or it might be that your mate’s mother is a total control freak who gives you the evil eye when your lover isn’t looking and dishes out underhanded comments when he’s out of earshot.

Frustrating, right?

I get it.

But as tempting as it might be to have a running-rant about it to your one-and-only; it’s not always wise to share exactly what you’re thinking about your partner’s friends and family.

Why?

Because getting into a serious relationship with another person means that you are also entering a world that existed before you came along. That equates to sucking up the annoying friend and playing nice with the potential in-laws from time to time.

More from Bennett:

“Unless the family (or friend) is creating some sort of toxic situation — in which case you should speak up, and let your partner know — there’s really no need to share minor things you dislike about your partner’s loved ones.”

In short, keep your opinions to yourself on this one and don’t give others the power to come between your love for your mate. Real connection is too important, and oversharing might damage your bond.

A good rule-of-thumb in this department is to tread lightly when it comes to your partner’s other important relationships — and if you must speak up, do so respectfully and practice more listening than talking.

At the end of the day, thinking twice about telling your lover everything is about considering their feelings and realizing that your time together is wasted on revealing unnecessary things — Say what you mean; just don’t say it all.


Originally published by Living Out Loud on Medium.

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Humor, Introverts, relationships, Uncategorized

The One Thing You Need to Know About Every Introvert

Besides not taking our need for alone time personally


The death of someone close to you can be such a redefining moment in life. Particularly for those who define themselves in terms of their relationships, as was the case for my mother. She was a wife to her husband for over thirty years and prescribed herself to that identity — everything about her life was essentially about him. For me, the co-dependent dynamics between them meant very limited time alone with her. As an introvert, the situation suited me just fine.

The thought of spending every other waking hour with either of my parents again is enough to cramp my stomach, and not because they are horrible parents. I just enjoy my life without them in my back pocket. Shoot me if that sounds harsh. I still love them to the extreme.

Things changed when my stepfather died in early 2018. Big time. His death meant that my mother had to learn to be in a world without him. It also meant that she suddenly had a lot more free time on her hands.

You know where this is going.

As well as that for the first time ever, mum had to learn how to pump her own fuel, pay her own bills and handle other aspects of finance. She has figured out how to interact with corporate people, negotiate deals and assert herself in the world. Mostly, she’s been forced to sift through her many layers and discover who she is without her husband.

We can’t run from ourselves forever, right?

Hmm…Maybe some of us can.

My mother is not into being alone. I am.

I spend hours at a time without interacting with people and I am happy doing just that. Introspection is my thing — almost to a fault.

This might sound weird to extroverted people like my mum, but I love thinking, reflecting and delving into the deepest zones of my mind. And I often lose myself in a world of my own making; analyzing, daydreaming, over-thinking situations and playing futuristic conversations and scenes in my head.

Talking to the stars even…

Ah, cerebral heaven. Is it wrong that I would rather spend my time in this reflection mode than to engage in meaningless, no-point conversations?

This is something else my mother has had to learn since she’s been on her own — she has had to learn about introverted-adult me.

This from Lifehack:

“There are several popular misconceptions surrounding introversion and extroversion. And because of this, introverts, in particular, are often misunderstood. They are often branded as shy, aloof, and even antisocial. While extroverts are described as bubbly, friendly, charismatic, and fun.”

Okay, I admit that my preference to living in my own head might sound a little aloof or unfriendly, but it’s really not. It comes down to need and sanity. I need space — lots of space. It’s the way that I process the world, my life and feelings.

Now that we spend more time together, my mother struggles to understand this about me. The fact is that I require solitary time in order to recharge, while she gets her energy from being around people.

Another fact: If I’m denied this reflection time for extended periods, I tend to get irritable and edgy. Maybe even a little grouchy.

More from Lifehack:

“In social situations, the extroverted brain is stimulated. It views social interaction as rewarding and responds as such. The thought of positive social interaction floods the brain with dopamine and drives the extrovert towards interaction as it is seeking to be rewarded.”

My mother likes to talk … a lot.To the point that it drives me crazy and then begins to deplete my energy. She likes to tell me about people — what they’re doing, where they’re going and snippets of their conversations.

Suffering, that’s what that is. I don’t want to know why so-and-so is going to Timbuktu and how the old buddy is getting the whatchamacallit. In the politest sense possible, I don’t give a fuck.

But I digress, it’s not that I don’t care about my mother and her life, I do. It’s just that I am wired differently. Like, introvert-majorly differently.

Lifehack, continued:

“The pleasure center of an introvert brain functions the same way — but with one very distinct difference. Extroverts have a more active dopamine reward network than introverts — meaning extroverts need more dopamine to feel pleasure. When dopamine floods the introvert brain, introverts do experience the feeling of excitement but it is accompanied by the feeling of being overwhelmed.”

It’s worth noting that compared to the more outgoing among us, we quieter folk are usually much less motivated and energized by “adult” rewards like money, social status and social affiliation.

We just don’t care.

It’s as if extroverts see big, juicy steaks everywhere, while to introverts, it’s mostly overcooked hamburgers. We don’t need the glitzy perks or high social status to be fulfilled — we just need what’s close to our hearts, whatever that looks like.

It gets worse. Well, from an introvert’s perspective.

My mum wants to know stuff that I know too. About people. A few days ago, she asked about a friend of mine who is planning to move farther north. He and his wife are considering an island life.

Mother took it upon herself to have a rant about this decision — farther north means cyclonic weather. Island life means …. erm …. the probability of encountering unsavory-type people.

So?

I didn’t understand why she would bother wasting brainpower on other people’s life choices; she really meant that shit. I was utterly baffled.

Then came the question:

“Which island?”

Which island? Was she serious? Does she not know me?

I responded with a shrug and the truth.

“I don’t know; my brain doesn’t retain that information, mum.”

“In other words, you don’t give a fuck?”

Ding, ding! Now we’re getting somewhere. She really said that by the way. I might just be elegantly corrupting her a smidge.

Elegantly. There’s a word. It just rolls off your tongue, does it not?

We introverts like words and small talk drives us elegantly crazy in a not-so tastefully refined way.

Deeper conversations are the place where we shine like the stars we so often ponder. Julie Lombard nails it when she says:

“The general small talk chit-chat grates on my nerves ― I don’t like it and feel awkward trying to engage in it. However, discussions on more meaningful topics truly catch my interest and I can ramble on and on or listen at length with keen interest.”

Every now and then, I find myself reminding my mother that we don’t actually always need to talk. Not in a mean way, but in a “being” way.

The greatest intimacy between two people is found in comfortable silence.

That’s my take, anyway. To just “be” and share space with the people I love. There really is something in those moments when you become attuned to and connected with someone special in silence.

Anyway, my mother is still not comfortable with silence, but she is learning to redefine her understanding of what constitutes the one thing that every introvert on earth knows deep in their soul:

Sometimes silence is golden.


Also published by Living Out Loud on Medium

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