life, Love and Connection, relationships, Women

The Secrets to Unlocking a Woman’s Lasting Passion

Because she burns with fiery love-passion.

“Be the flame, not the moth.”
― Giacomo Casanova

Romantic passion is the powerful force responsible for the feeling of deep longing to be near your lover. The exquisite motivational pull that manifests as strong attraction, desire and infatuation, often sweeping you off your feet to affect you in love-crazy ways. A day in the life of romantic passion is one of life’s sweetest pleasures. Tell me, who could actually resist hours of kanoodling with their lover, delving into deep intimacy through hot kisses, intense sex, devoted bonding and dual-energetic creativity?

Passion is delicious, ardent love.

Love is the most important element for a good relationship but love without lasting passion is much like friendship — only with the commitment and shared life/assets part.

Still, we all have our own standards for what constitutes a fulfilling relationship and it can be argued that passion fades over time.

Life gets in the way.

People can easily slip into a states of inertia which disconnects them from the deep feelings inspired by the long-forgotten passionate early days of their relationship.

You know how goes — You snag your lover, get married and settle into ‘familiarity’ territory. Sex becomes a mediocre thing that happens once a fortnight (for some) and before long, you are glimpsing the rapturous fire of romantic passion in the rear-view mirror.

So long, romantic passion. Thanks for the memories.

Okay, throw out the Kleenex. The mourning party is over because it doesn’t have to be that way. We can fight for passion but it will take patience, dedication and a whole lotta love to unlock the mystery of a woman’s lasting passion.

And yes, I am speaking to you, sir.

Whether he realizes it or not, a man has much more influence over the degree of passion existing within his relationship with a woman. And if he wants to experience her deep, ever-lasting passion, he will need to decide if it’s worth the effort it takes to get her there.

He will have to take the lead.

Think about it. True happiness and deep, intimate connection within a union is impossible to achieve without tending to the passion, and a woman cannot fully surrender herself to man if there is disconnection and/or distrust present.

She needs her heart ‘watered’ with his conscious love so that she may blossom into her feminine sovereignty, and she needs to feel held and seen in her femininity by him for her passionate spirit to burn into something a little bit more magical and beautiful than ever before.

The Secrets to Unlocking a Woman’s Lasting Passion begins with:

Yang — Man

As gender roles continue to shift and evolve, the rules for what constitutes masculinity may have become somewhat blurred of late. As it stands, contemporary men do not have to personify patriarchal values and be ‘macho’ to be regarded as masculine. There are those men who believe that they embody the definition of the modern ‘real man’, exhibiting qualities such as genuine self-confidence and true masculinity. Others may feel there is no such thing. But when comes to women, there is one thing that remains true of any heterosexual male — a man who realizes his highest role with woman knows the secret to her lasting passion.

It’s in the way that he loves her.

So much of how a man loves a woman and how he cares for her holds influence over her willingness to trust and surrender in her femininity to him. And that sacred element is fundamental in keeping his lady a passionate lover.

“I want to know what passion is. I want to feel something strongly.”
― Aldous Huxley

A man needs to understand and respect that the essence of a woman is soft by nature.

She is a passionate, love-craving creature yearning to deeply connect with her masculine counterpart. She longs to open up to him; to expose herself fully and feel him consciously pulse inside of her.

At her core, a woman aches to give rise to the healing qualities of combined orgasmic connection and spirit through her beautiful, wild love.

Believe me, you’ll want every sweet drop of what your insatiable love-hungry woman has to offer, dear sir.

And a man can know the fruits of her love when he becomes attuned with his primitive place beside a woman because it means that he has figured out his role with her — Being there and caring for her in a way which supports her life, body and heart to evoke her deep softness and receptivity to him — her lasting love and passion.

Sounds rather simple, right?

Well, I don’t know. It takes a certain amount of self-awareness, maturity, backbone and patience for a man to accept his highest role with woman; to really be there and hold her steady within his powerful masculine presence. To show up for her where others have mishandled and failed her in the past. To care enough to patiently and consistently support and guide her back toward her heart —her lasting passion.

Internationally-known Spiritual Mentor, and Master Energy-Worker, Chris Bale knows a thing or two about the power of intent within the realm of intimacy between men and women. He makes the following observation:

“We are living in a time of deeply weakened, confused, and unsupported masculinity. Men lack guidance from healthy male role-models. Instead, he ends up following dangerous, chaotic examples of masculinity; fumbling through his relatings with himself and the opposite sex.”

So how can a man realign with his core masculine energy to connect on more intricate and meaningful pathways with his woman?

It Begins with Deep Desire.

A man’s personal power resides in his level of self-actualization. His innate values, his sense of empathy and balance, his intellect and his ability to hold his own in any situation. But a man’s true power lies in his mature handling of woman, love and relationships.

Through love, we learn the art of giving and receiving but we can’t give what we don’t have. So there lies the cornerstone of desire in passion — a man must have a deep understanding of self to possess the desire to really be there for and know a woman wholly, and he’ll have to truly wish to know what it means to experience her native femininity and lasting passion.

He has to be willing to go there with her.

Yin — Woman

“The feminine is the matrix of creation. This truth is something profound and elemental, and every woman knows it in the cells of her body, in her instinctual depths. Out of the substance of her very being life comes forth. She can conceive and give birth, participate in the greatest mystery of bringing a soul into life. And yet we have forgotten, or been denied, the depths of this mystery.”

— Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee

A man may be permitted to deeply connect with life-giving energy through a woman’s love, but she requires him to be in firm contact with his balls and sovereignty in order to feel safe and claimed enough to truly open up to him.

Essentially, she needs to feel secure with him ­– if there are too many elements about a man that are uncertain, threatening or unclear, she will naturally resist surrendering the deepest, softest parts of herself.

Instead, she will recede into her self-protective energetic barrier by default because more often than not, this is how a woman has learned to cope with the men who have touched her life in the past.

This holds true whether or not the relationship is new or long-term — acts of deep intimacy and true passion requires a woman to open every part of herself — soulfully, emotionally, physically — she entrusts a man to be inside of her which means absolute exposure and vulnerability on her part.

It means building intimate trust which evolves to lasting passion.

She needs to understand the depth of her man’s consistent and implicit reliance through his actions — not just because he expects her trust because he requests it of her, but because he proves his trustworthiness through his deeds and strong presence.

Yin-Yang — Man + Woman

So, how does a man unlock a woman’s lasting passion?

Through learning how to love her. It’s that simple.

He must be willing to love her through her challenges — her anger, hardness and frustration. He must love her even when she’s pushing and testing his love and boundaries. And he must especially love her in all her past abuse and mishandled treatment left from encounters with other males.

“You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, always like tomorrow, sudden like an inhale and overcoming like the tides. Only one man and all of this.”
― C. JoyBell C.

If a man truly wants to experience a woman in her soft femininity and keep her passion alive for him, he will need to be fully present with her and love her even more.

“Crazy like the moon and always like tomorrow.”

The secret to unlocking a woman’s lasting passion is already within you — devoted love-in-action …. and maybe a few long hot kisses to boot.

Also published by Living Out Loud on Medium


Love on a Train

Lovers whisper secrets only they two can hear.

“Wouldn’t you rather have a deep, passionate relationship than something that feels more like friendship? Life is too short to live a single moment without passion — especially in your relationship.”

– Tony Robbins

The Ancient Greeks called it Ludus — the feeling of infatuation in the early days of romance. Ah, those sweet moments when your stomach flutters at the sight of new love and every second spent apart feels like internal torture. Falling in love is one of life’s greatest pleasures. After all, it is love that forms the basis of our humanity and influences our lives from the moment we are born. But hands down, the best part of those first stages in a relationship has to be the lust that accompanies our every waking hour.

Like most of us, those curious Ancient Greeks were smitten by love. Their fascination in the devotion department motivated them enough to spend time studying love in all its forms. The Greek God of fertility proved to be the inspiration behind what the Ancient Greeks called Eros — the realm of love encompassing desire, fire and passion.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Long days filled with intense yearning between bouts of time spent ensnared in erotic flashes of the night before — daydreams of the moments when a thin layer of sweat was all that separated you and your lover. You know what I’m talking about it. Those sensually shaded days where you exist in a constant state of arousal. He is all you can think about; all you want to think about.

The moments when the need to release sexual energy becomes your driving thought are the same moments you are certain you’ve stepped straight out of a scene from Basic Instinct. Minus the ice pick.

Wait — keep the ice pick. You might need it.

Burn, baby, burn.

That statement can be considered somewhat tame when my second husband swept into my life to change everything I thought I knew about passion. Late nights involving lips and tongues, black lace, delicious fingers … rock hard parts between hot wet places.

Lovers whisper secrets only they two can hear. Bodies entangle to become a river; hips move faster than a runaway train. Nothing is forbidden. Long held fantasies become your reality.

The sexual tension between us was intoxicating. Seldom could we refrain from keeping our hands to ourselves when out in public. We used to fuck everywhere — the dark corners in a club; the lady’s bathroom; shopfront doorways; shady parks and front seats of cars. We even did it on the neighbor’s front porch late one night.

Whaaat? I hear you cry. She was the neighbor from hell. This was fun payback.

When you are in the throes of a hedonistic realm where the pursuit of sexual pleasure becomes your primary focus, nothing is taboo. Nothing is off limits. Love doesn’t know limits or boundaries. Love only knows expression.

From the moment Risky Business erupted onto my screen, I wanted to have sex on a train. You remember the scene — hot passionate kisses; locked eyes while having sensual sex in a dimly lit and empty carriage on a fast-moving train.

Exciting. Steamy. Carnal.

Anyone want to take a train ride? After that scene, I am certain trains across the world knew more than just the average commuter. Perhaps this was the driving force behind the exercise to install security cameras on every carriage. Who needs to watch choreographed porn when you can get real-life action on late night train rides?


It was on. The evening arrived and one of the most erotic acts I have ever experienced preceded the train-sex, becoming part of a long-winded evening of foreplay. We were out in a crowded bar listening to a band and enjoying a few drinks. Knee-high boots worn with sheer pantyhose beneath a short skirt doesn’t make for easy access when in public.

He locked his eyes on mine and slipped his hand between my thighs, lightly rubbing me with the back of his fingers before he pulled away and brought his fingers beneath his nose, inhaling. Body heat. Groan. My hormones went into overdrive watching that simple act play out. I blushed beneath the immediate rush of arousal. Someone flag a train; I was in need. Desperate need.

The carriage wasn’t as nearly as dark or as empty as the Risky Business train scene, but business went ahead regardless. How could it not after the above-mentioned prologue?

It was bright; starkly bright and it didn’t take long to figure out we had to maneuver our way around the pantyhose tucked in a high pair of leathers.

He got creative; slipping my panties and hose down until they bunched at the top of my boots before dropping to his knees and crawling up between my legs. He was essentially ensnared between boots, hose and thighs with no way out but onward. Some might call that a pussy-trap. He might have been inclined to agree. Either way, he was hard and I was ready, and he proceeded forth while the train sped west and a few folks lingered in the back of the carriage pretending not to notice.

Risky Business eat your heart out. Somewhat. Because we didn’t manage to reach that slowed-down climatic filming achieved in the movie. I didn’t feel like Rebecca De Mornay — despite the security cameras rolling overhead and particularly when it was over and I came back up for air, spotting cheesy grins flashing from the back of the carriage.


The Ancient Greeks didn’t necessarily think that Eros was always a good thing. They believed this kind of love to be dangerous and likely to burn out quickly unless supported with one of the less superficial loves. I cannot help but agree. Eventually those heated, first stage relationship days tend to ebb into a different vibration — committed love.

Something like what the Ancient Greeks dubbed Pragma. A hallmark of healthy, long-term relationships. Pragma is about giving love — patience, tolerance and compromise — essential elements for a successful long-term relationship.

Still, I believe that passion is a super important component to any relationship. It is that initial burn of lust and desire that serves to fuel the love and begins to form the groundwork of the connection. Passion becomes the foundation upon which intimacy and deep love are born and nurtured, and love is the motivating law of life.

U.S Andersen expresses this perfectly when he said: “The universe dances and sings and buds and blooms and builds. All of life clings to one another, serves one another in a great common purpose. Love pervades all, love is behind all, love is the great goal. Sex is life expressing love!”

Even love on a train. Especially love on a train.

Also published by P.S. I Love You on Medium