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The Twin Flame Soul Connection – Part Two – Runners & Chasers

By April 25, 2019No Comments

Love makes the impossible, possible.” – Xavier Eastenbrick.

The notion of one soul dividing to incarnate the earth simultaneously first came to my attention back in 2007 when reading Michael Newton’s, Destiny of Souls. I remember the idea seemed so far out of my range of perception at the time that I almost immediately dismissed it as an improbability. Yet, as my life has unfolded the opposite it now true. I have come to believe the Twin Flame journey to be an extremely personal and spiritual path – one that can only be completely understood by those experiencing it. I was so fascinated by the idea of this divine connection, that I chose to explore and write about it in my novella, Wildflower – a story included in my latest collaborative release, Untamed DestiniesIt was during my research for that particular project that I discovered Xavier Eastenbrick.

For me, soul connections are a super interesting topic to ponder. I’m thinking it must be an honor and a privilege to have encountered your Twin Flame during this lifetime, but you [Xavier] mentioned that the path is not necessarily an easy one. Can you tell us more about that? Why is it that those experiencing the true Twin Flame connection suffer? And perhaps you can explain the notion surrounding what is termed as the “runner/chaser” dynamics between Twin Flames.       


I never really had a problem with the soul splitting aspect of Twin Flames incarnating on earth because as odd as it might seem, I always felt there was a certain aspect of myself that wasn’t part of me – as if I wasn’t truly whole. I felt the split before I knew about it. It was just a sense, but it was a sense that was core to the development of who I am. I thought it was normal. When I encountered my Twin Flame and then discovered information about Twin Flames, those feelings I had always felt began to make much more sense.

It’s funny. We accept biological twins in our society, but we find it difficult to grasp the concept of a soul splitting in much the same way. In the Sufi religion, they speak of Twin Flames as twin rings interconnected in a vesica pisces shape. This [symbolism] has always resonated with me. Of course, the question that many ask (almost hopefully) is: “Okay, the soul can split into Twin Flames. What about three or more parts?”

No. Just no.

vesica piscis galaxy lt

It is complicated enough for soul-counterparts to live their lives across time and space and then find each other and deal with the connection. It would be a cruelty of cosmic proportions to split the soul into three or more parts and then have a tripartite connection. I am happy to be proven wrong, but as far as I am concerned, I reluctantly accepted Twin Flames as a reality and cannot fathom a further split of the soul.

I say “reluctantly” because my faith began from a place of scepticism and wilful doubt – I did not want to believe in any of this. I tried my damnedest to justify as much as I could, but there were core elements to the connection that were simply beyond random happenings that could be dismissed as coincidence or imagination. It is much like when one may doubt the existence of a higher intelligent design and order to the universe; whether it be named God or source energy, it is the momentum and divine will of the universe. You can try to supply a rational explanation – and then you encounter sacred geometry; the golden ratio; the universality of numbers and the Fibonacci sequencing. Regardless of your view on religion, none of these phenomena are random. There is order to the universe and that order represents an intelligent design.

There are schools of thought within the Twin Flame community who theorize about Twin Flames being the split of the primary soul, and then there are twin rays and so on. I am not necessarily on board with those extensions because it seems to unnecessarily complicate an already complicated connection.

After many hours of research and devouring endless words surrounding the realm of soul connections, and according to my own intuition based upon my experiences thus far, I have drawn the following conclusions I believe to be true of soul connections:

  • Karmic connections – lessons to be learned.
  • Soulmate connections – include aspects of one’s soul family – connections that resonate in a harmonious frequency and which further the soul’s growth.
  • Twin Flames – the crown jewel of soul connections – the mirror self; the counterpart of the soul; the great tempest of change. Twin Flames are the fire crucible of the soul, as well as the trigger of soul healing and betterment.

I think you get my drift. Your Twin Flame is many things and will at some point during a lifetime eventuate into a harmonious union. But much like a duet of out-of-tune instruments, in the lead up to harmony there often exists a dissonance between the souls which can be quite frustrating.

The Twin Flame journey and the life-path of a Twin Flame is complicated, very much personal and can be difficult. It should be made clear that the difficulties and pain some encounter on this journey have nothing to do with being a Twin Flame and everything to do with healing and releasing attachments and expectations instilled in our egos.

To become the best version of yourself, you need to have an extraordinary sense of self; who you are – your strengths; weaknesses; fears; insecurities; vulnerabilities; wounding; unhealed scars; the deepest and darkest aspects of one’s self. It is the kind of stuff buried beneath the core of your soul that when confronted, can drive you to the brink of madness. Facing these feelings can often be turbulent, but it is in acceptance and forgiveness of ourselves that we are able to recognize our self-worth. Those are easy enough words to write, but it is a very different story when learning to acknowledge and address the process in one’s soul work.

When you encounter your Twin Flame, the meeting triggers aspects of your soul to accelerate change from within. No one changes you. Anyone who tells you that change comes from without is selling you on a narrative of lies. Change can only come from within – and only when you have an understanding of the issues that require transformation and have a genuine desire to change them. This is why the Twin Flame path can be painful; because in most instances we naturally resist acknowledging our deepest truths and want to defy the idea of revolutionizing all that which with we have grown comfortable. It is amazing what we get comfortable with.

We build up defences and shut down the breadth of our hearts because the way love works in this world and among people is often unsatisfying and conditional. In reality those invisible walls are not defences but prison confines that keep out that which we fear, yet those same defence mechanisms also imprison that which should be freed. That part of my journey hasn’t been painful because if I get hurt, I might erect the equivalent of velvet curtains with ropes, just like the ones you might find at a movie theatre. But eventually, I lower the ropes because I know that is not how I want to love. To me, true love means risking everything and running full force into the horizon and not away from it. It means I love like a tsunami and have the capacity to receive and accept the same kind of storm.

For example, my fear is abandonment. You know what terrifies me? Winnie the Pooh. Go ahead and laugh. But at the end of Winnie the Pooh, after we have learned to love Pooh, Piglet, Tigger and even Eeyore, Christopher Robin grows up and leaves. “If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.” That breaks my heart. Of course, there is hope: “But, of course, it isn’t really good-bye because the Forest will always be there…and anybody who is friendly with bears can find it.”

While the Forest may be there and anyone can find it, the thought that rattles around my head is whether anyone would want to find me there. Will my Twin Flame want to find me or will I be that teddy bear languishing at the bottom of some closet until someone donates me to good will?

It sounds silly, but every time I see Toy Story 2, I cry at that one scene when Jessie recalls how she was once loved by her Emily and then, Emily grew up and Jesse was eventually forgotten and finally put into a box and donated to good will. She was abandoned. That is the way I have felt most of my life.

I’m Pooh. I’m Jesse.

I had to face abandonment in order to transcend beyond that fear. Two divorces and deaths of those closest to me – all of these experiences reinforced the fears while giving me the tools to deal with it. Separation from my twin also crushed me on the inside and triggered an awful dark night of the soul. An experience that was so dark, I almost couldn’t distinguish between the shadows from the night. But no matter how dark I plunged, or how far I fell into the depths of fear, my soul was resilient and I survived. I found the tools within to mitigate fear and pull myself out of the darkness. I stand on my own and the one person who I can always rely on to stay with me is me. And that is the point. Many will focus on union with their twin as opposed to becoming the best, strongest version of themselves.

Those on their Twin Flame journey do not have to suffer, or at least don’t have to endure prolonged suffering. It is all a matter of perspective and choosing to surrender your will and expectations. What I mean is that while we participate in fate, we do not control nor can we accelerate divine timing. It happens when it is supposed to happen and no sooner. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can heal.

Think of it like this: a mother and a child are in the kitchen. The mother says to the child, “do not go near the stove, it will burn you.” The child goes near the stove, touches the lit burner and gets burned. The mother soothes it and reminds the child not to go near the stove. At this point, if the child has learned his/her lesson, they will not get burned again. If the child goes ahead and touches the stove again, they will endure more pain. It is not much different here. The lessons are roughly the same.

If you feel pain in separation, ask yourself why you are feeling pain. Is it a matter of your fear? Is it a matter of your attachment to an expectation or an expected outcome? The most difficult aspect of this journey to process is unconditional love. When it feels all warm, fuzzy and happy, it is easy to say you love someone unconditionally. It is when it all turns upside down that conditions pop up. That is when you can actually understand how challenging it is to love unconditionally.

Twin Flames often engage in a dance of push and pull – more commonly, and unfortunately referred to as the “runner and chaser” phase. The thrust of it stems from the fact that there is usually a Spiritual Twin who has awoken earlier and is in fact a guide for the other; the Matrix Twin. The Matrix Twin is living their life and has not yet awakened. They might not even know about Twin Flames or understand or acknowledge the connection. They might be freaked out about what they are feeling. And the rub of it all is that the Spiritual Twin can’t just tell the Matrix Twin that they are a Twin Flame and more specifically, their Twin Flame. In short, it is a bittersweet paradox.

In matters of soulful truth, you must arrive at your own knowledge and understanding. It is not simply a matter of wanting to be something. You need to feel and experience it for yourself, and all the convincing in the world will not make it happen. The Matrix Twins have to believe and until they do, they won’t.

“But why would anyone run away from someone who loves them and who they love?”

That is the logical question a Twin Flame might ask in this dynamic, but it is not as simple as it seems.

When you encounter your Twin Flame, you are encountering someone who is both an entirely familiar soul; your soul and yet, at the same time, a riddle wrapped in mystery with a bow tied in a quagmire – Who the hell are you and why do you love me? What is going on with me? Why do I love this person and why are they on my mind all the time? Oh wait, this is starting to frighten me! This is intense. Defences up. Denial; denial; denial. Then, “fight or flight” kicks in and suddenly, there is a Twin Flame sized hole in the wall and a dust trail leading away from you.

You are beside yourself with shock. So, you put on your sneakers and start chasing them, yelling: “Wait. I think you just didn’t hear me. I said I love you! That’s all. Come back!” Sometimes they run even faster. Sometimes they might hide in the woods. Sometimes, they might run to a familiar romantic interest. Who isn’t you.

Are they doing it to hurt you?


Are they trying to forget you?

They might be.

Do they love you?

As incredible as it might seem, they do love you and it scares the living daylights out of them.

I know what a nonbeliever would say – exactly what I would have said: “Oh, just let them go and move on. You’re just reeling from an unrequited love and they just aren’t into you. This was all a stupid crush and now it’s over. You aren’t connected to anyone. It’s just part of life.”

Here’s the part where I tell you something unexpected; they are part right.

Of everything a nonbeliever might say – which is patently wrong – they would be correct in advising you to let them go. Surrender. If they are your twin, let them go and they will be back. Don’t chase them; whether it be in reality or energetically. Give them space to deal with the complex panoply of emotions and the crisis management they are dealing with. Remember that this is an eternal soul connection and lifetimes are not the Endgame. Your encounter is enough and if and when they choose to return or if the divine timing of the universe conspires to bring you together again, you will have them back.

Some words of advice: don’t let your ego and pride get in the way. Just because you may have realized who and what they are and are able to deal with the intensity of it all, be gentle in your understanding of their reaction. Forgive them as if they are the prodigal twin.

Remember, the love between Twin Flames is unconditional. That means you send them your love even in separation and in silence. You send them your love with no expectation that they’ll ever love you back. You send them your love even if they hurt you and abandoned you; even if they chose someone else over you. It’s hard and can feel painful at first, but this is not a typical love story of boy meets girl and happily ever after in this lifetime. It might just be, but often times it takes many lifetimes of learning the dynamics of love to become the soul who can face their counterpart without fear and handle the intensity of the connection.

Want to talk more with Xavier? You can find him on the web via the links below. Alternatively, leave a comment and he will respond with pleasure. Stay tuned for more from Xavier in next week’s post – The Awakening.

Catch up on Xavier’s first post Soul Signatures here.

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Xavier’s extraordinary find just last week in the garden!

Join the discussion No Comments

  • Kim Petersen says:

    Hmm… perhaps you’re a twin flame?

  • Peter Mclure says:

    Pleased I stumbled upon this to be honest. I’m loving the content mate.

  • melonstube says:

    Xavier, the way you have expressed the depth of your experience is unbelievably authentic and moving — thank you for sharing your inner-most feelings with us. I think it is those souls seeking the answers and in need of knowledge that will innately gravitate to and discover your words here, because although the Twin Flame journey is truly sacred, the connection can also be extremely confusing at times.

  • Owe Whel says:

    This non-believer concurs about the surrender aspect of the “twin flame journey.” But what Xavier brings up, to me, is not actual surrender. It is a silent, but intensely ongoing attachment that has reached a state of inertia. Surrender, as described here, has airs of a cosmic love potion #9. Interesting how some of the writing almost conjures up images of prayerful cloistered nuns who are not active participants in the outside world, but try to effectuate world change through their silence and penance. The difference, however, is that prayer WORKS because it is selfless. Twin flame “surrender” is a forced retreat from active pursuit. X writes, “As incredible as it might seem, they do love you and it scares the living daylights out of them.” No, they DON’T – not in 3D, not in 5D, not in 12-split-time-whatever-double-D. That is dangerous self-deception. In reality, that person is an unwilling participant in a game who has agreed to nothing, neither consciously or unconsciously, pre-birth or presently. One-sided love, while real, is never powerful enough to make that person love you back. You do not will somebody else’s will, you don’t make up their mind for them, and you don’t decide what is truly in their heart. If your love is unrequited, they WILL NOT BE BACK. Because they never were yours to begin with.

    True surrender in this self-imposed nightmare of a journey actually means relinquishing of all the labels and baggage that came with the heartbreak. Again, twin flames are not real. Love is real. And there is SOMEONE out there who will love you in return. That is a promise…..

    • Xavier Eastenbrick says:

      While I appreciate the empathy of your response and encouragement, I still must take issue with your desire to dismantle the faith of those on the twin flame journey. Surrender is a state and for you, surrender involves a “forced retreat”, which is not correct. It is deferring to the Will of the universe in matters of the soul. How is that not selfless? My friend, if the twin flame journey bothers you on some level, you can exercise your freedom to disregard and ignore it. What purpose does it serve to toss a tool bag of doubt into the gears of other’s faith? I am a twin flame. I don’t inflict my Will upon anyone, least of all, the one I believe to be my twin flame. I love her and let her go. I don’t expect her to return, but if she did I’d accept her without any hesitation. I’m not sure how that affects you. I appreciate your suggestion to open my life to someone out there who might love me and who I might love. I’m fine with me.

      • Owe Whel says:

        I was merely calling out something I viewed as harmful – to the self. Confession – I spent the better part of 8 years on a similar “journey” but had no such label to go with it. Which was a BLESSING, because had it crossed my radar then, the idea itself would have turned into a greater addiction (or perhaps fixation) than that actual person and could very well still be plaguing me. I had all the classic symptoms, the lucid dreams, the illusions of higher dimensional connectedness and what not. But I was ignoring the elephant in the room, which was the reciprocal love that simply wasn’t there. I think the fear that comes with discarding the twin flame label and “religion” built upon it is that it will diminish the love you have for her. It won’t. You don’t stop loving a person, ever. It simply relieves you of the psychological imprisonment that goes with it. Yes, I think you can love someone from afar but healthily. But, just like grief over the death of a loved one, in order to move on, it requires full acknowledgement of reality. And the reality is that person did not, does not, and most likely never will love me in return. If I can tell myself that, it’s only altruistic to share the truth with those who are where I was and not lead people astray by propagating the destructive belief that is “twin flames.”

    • k a says:

      So sorry for your loss.

  • k a says:

    So sorry for your loss Owe Whel, in more ways than one.
    I wish you all the best,
    A Twin Flame

    • Owe Whel says:

      Well thank you. It certainly was a loss…… of time and energy, over a person that did not love me back. But it was also my gain. Because it means I will not spend a lifetime as a victim of spiritual bypass living in the twin flame delusion.

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