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connections - Kim Petersen

The Most Important Relationship of Your Life

I bet you know what I’m going to tell you. Well, maybe.

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We never stop learning through our relationships with people. Or rather, people never stop teaching us. It has taken a long time for me to learn how to trust my intuition. It’s been a journey paved with dark nights of the soul, as well as amazing moments of clarity.

Throughout my earlier years, I had always doubted my inner-gut feelings or just plain ignored them. I never quite trusted myself — or who I was, for that matter.

One prime example was when my first husband proposed to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him. It was more that I was just twenty-one years old and reasonably fresh out of a five-year relationship. I had plans. I was working to save money for travel. New York beckoned me with a pull I couldn’t deny.

He took me to the beach, produced a diamond and spoke words that would claim me. I’ll never forget that day. Not because it was the happiest day of my life or anything — it is more the distinct memory of ignoring the inner-turmoil circling through my head as I accepted the ring and said “yes”.

The inner-screams were yelling “no”, by the way.

His blue eyes were so vulnerable as he looked at me expectantly. I didn’t have the heart to turn him down, despite that marriage wasn’t on my agenda at that time.

You can call it gutless. You can even call it stupid. Maybe a bit of both?

I used to be a soft touch. I think I still might be. Better that than a heartless human. Like some.

Fact: When you ignore your intuition, shit will probably hit the fan. The lessons will be harder.

It wasn’t even that marriage would deny me the freedom of travel. It was that that marriage became a living nightmare. As it turned out, his true qualities eventually surfaced to reveal a narcissistic and violent man.

I ignored my inner-warning bells and experienced great pain because of it.

One for the intuition.

People have screwed me over. I’m certain you’ve been screwed over, too. It happens to be a part of this thing called life.

Years later and following the inevitable divorce (that wasn’t gutless), a very handsome man asked me out for dinner. I was so nervous. It would be my first date with someone new in twelve years.

In the moments leading up to his arrival, I remember hitting rewind on Pearl Jam’s “Black” over and over. It was my favorite. Yeah. I was into Pearl Jam (not as much as my friend who named her vibrator “Eddie”). Somehow, listening to that song quelled my nerves. Somewhat.

It was probably a sign from the Intuition Gods.

Was it normal to feel this uneasy before a date?

He played league cricket and had mutual sporting connections with one of my closet friends who had been a professional hockey player for the Australian team. And he was hot.

Bonus.

Still, I couldn’t quite conquer the whirring sirens in the back of my mind. Something didn’t feel right. I’d met him once. I didn’t miss his dominant energy, but I did pretend not to notice.

He took me to dinner and followed up with a side of date-rape.

That didn’t go down so well. Another one for intuition.

The next day, my girlfriend looked at me and said, “I hope this doesn’t make you bitter — not all men are pricks.”

Just some. I seemed to be a magnet for them.

Truth is, I knew that if I allowed others to infect my outlook on life with their shit-ass, negative behavior, that would be letting them win. Unfortunately, some people do want to bring you down.

Fact: Even your intuition can get it wrong.

Wait — not really. Please don’t start distrusting those gut feelings you’ve worked so hard to strengthen — they are designed to lead you along the right path and help you learn.

I think I’ve worked it out — it is all about the lessons. Remember my opening paragraph? These little lesson-nuggets are about helping us nurture our relationship with our inner-guidance.

Even when we get it wrong. In fact, sometimes we are supposed to get it wrong. Other times, we’re not actually getting it wrong — it’s the other person in question that isn’t quite getting it.

Confused?

I don’t blame you.

Take a soul connection for instance.

What? You didn’t think I could get through a post about intuition without including a spiel about your soul?

It’s the only real part of us, you realize …

Let’s explore a little.

Have you ever met someone and instantly felt an indescribably strong connection toward them? It feels as if your soul recognizes them and your human part is tripping to catch up.

Soul connections are no mistake. They arrive in our lives to trigger inner-growth and fuel creativity, as well as to create new patterns of love in the world and foster our path toward enlightenment. They show up to open new thought concepts and kick-start your heart.

They show up to blow your mind.

When these special people arrive on the scene, you cannot ignore the deep sensations the meeting ignites.

Rare gems. Real world.

That’s right, I said “real world”.

Ermm … and what is “real”? I hear you ask.

Real is that which doesn’t change. Your soul won’t cark it. Your body will.

Don’t be so hasty to dismiss what your physical senses cannot detect. You cannot see love but you know it exists because you feel it, right? Well, I hope you do. Real love doesn’t change. You can’t see your intuition either, by the way.

Speaking of intuition, all of that instinctual drive you’ve been cultivating over the years seems to fall to the wayside when encountering a significant soul connection. All for a purpose — to test and explode the boundaries of love while propelling you into greater states of awareness.

To learn to love unconditionally.

Fact: Meeting someone you know in soul isn’t all peaches and cream.

Far from it, actually. It’s not supposed to be. The true soul connection is designed to make you feel uncomfortable because its created to evoke fire to change. It’s about pushing your inner-boundaries and shattering pre-existing beliefs and societal expectations on what is deemed as “acceptable”.

We’re good at doing that, you know — imposing systems of “right and wrongs”, judging one another and acting from a place of fear. Which isn’t real by the way.

Your soul wasn’t created to fear. The human condition did that.

In short, a soul meeting of this nature will stretch your perspective beyond your physicality and catapult you into “trigger zone” while developing your inner-strength and self-belief. A realm reserved for facing yourself — the good and the not so good.

Sounds like a picnic, huh?

Growth is never easy. You will need to courage-up to get through this thing called life and actually grasp greater perspectives. Free your mind. Start by contemplating the real stuff.

Some people have what it takes to explore deep love. Others do not.

When you’re there, you discover moments that will define you for the rest of your life — moments when you either choose take a leap of faith, or run back to your comfort zone screaming,“Hell, no!”

When confronted with matters of deep soul truths, it becomes more important than ever to lean on your inner-guidance system. It’s as if each experience, relationship and past lesson have been in preparation for the ultimate test of faith. When trusting your intuition becomes vital.

My Shamanic Medicine Drumming Teacher often speaks of giving thanks to our paths. She reminds us that it is unique to each of us; that it stretches before us perfectly raw and unpaved; and that we shouldn’t be afraid to be true to ourselves as we walk toward the unknown.

She instills the courage.

Sacred soul journeys are more about personal growth than the other person actually “getting it”. It is when we learn how to open our hearts and free our minds that we begin to connect with our souls to live authentically.

And that is what its all about.

Life.

At the end of it all, it is through our soul connections and relationships that will result in refining our most important relationship of all — the one you have with yourself.

Self-discovery is there for the taking if you but have courage enough to wade through mysterious territory and trust the path.

One for me.

P.S. I did make it to New York. Right after my divorce.


Originally published by P.S. I Love You at Medium on January 20th 2020.

Love on Time

Let’s assume you live for 100 years.

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Kim: Let’s talk love. What does love mean to you, Mr X.?

Xavier: Dear Lord, I’m either a really good person to ask about love or really bad.

I guess I’m really good to ask because the synapses of my hopelessly romantic mind are always charged; sometimes overloaded with the electricity of love.

I’m not necessarily talking about the romantic comedy, neat little “Sleepless in Seattle” sweet tales of blissful moments where all the Instagram socialites hope to traverse the Empire State Building and find their soulmate.

I’ve been to the top of the Empire State Building and it was crowded and hot, and the lines rivaled Lightning Loops at Six Flags Great Adventure.

Kim: Hmm … I’ve been to the top of the Empire State building too. Yes, it was hot. It was August, 2007. Maybe you were there too. I’m sure that I spotted you among the billion other people crowding around.

Xavier: I was doing push ups as part of a push up challenge.

Kim: That’s right, I remember now. You were the guy with the thingy…

Xavier: That’s what she said…. lol

Kim: Heh. Good one.

Back to love …

Xavier: When my mind dives into the ocean of love, I see the happiness. But I also see the needed sacrifices along the way; the necessary crash course in understanding; the empathy, kindness and strength to not cut and run when the going gets tough.

Actually, it’s a small miracle that I have it within me to still love with the strength of a tsunami after two divorces.

You would think I’d see love as an enemy.

Yet, it is the energy within my veins – the force behind every squeeze of my heart; the inspiration and sheer will of my consciousness.

Some people tend to refer to their “love life” when they really mean sex life.

I flip it around and try to live a life of love.

You see, in life, we are allotted a certain amount of time.

Kim: Hold on tight, folks, he’s starting the number game! (he’s a numbers guy)  

Xavier: *clears throat and continues*

Let’s assume you live for 100 years.

It is simple math – 365 days plus one leap year for every 4 years and 24 hours in a day.

Let’s say in 100 years you have 36525 days or 876600 hours. That’s not even a million hours of total time to live.

Subtract 8 hours a day for sleep (3 if you are me) or 289200 hours.

578400 hours left.

What percentage of your day is school, work, commuting, eating, mindless necessities of life?

Let’s say 12 hours a day – 438300 hours of that (shit).

We are left with 140,100 hours.

Love doesn’t just look at what it can do in the 140,100 hours of the free time left. It looks to maximize the 876600 hours and divides it by minutes and seconds and fractions of seconds to create the infinite within the given expanse of our time and space.

Does that answer the question about love?

No. I’ll keep going, but this is why I’m a bad person to ask about love. I can keep going and going like the energizer bunny, but my batteries are charged with an energy more electric than lightning.

Kim: And there you have it: Love on time divided by minutes and seconds and fractions of seconds to create … erm … just go love, people.


Xavier on Twitter | Pinterest | Quora

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