Men

The Most Beautiful Thing About Middle-Aged Men

We need more like him.

In the late 80s to early 90s, the 40th birthday bashes were in full swing. I was much younger, of course, far from the baby boomers in my life who faced the reality that they were no longer the youth revolution. It was inevitable. None of us can rebel against time no matter how hard we buck and yell. Besides, they had their Woodstock and their sexual revolution, and let me tell you, whatever that symbolized for them reflected in their midlife celebrations.

Hendrix. Joplin. The Who. Zeppelin. Jefferson Airplane. Cocker.

Baby boomers knew how to rock in their day. I’ll give them that. But, of course, we’re talking about the generation of free love and peace, which produced music that captured the spirit of the times. Still, middle-aged men seemed ancient to me as a young woman back then. No offense intended, but I was looking at fading strands, receding hairlines, weathered skin marked by pronounced wrinkles, and hair sprouting in weird places. I found none of it sexually appealing.

Hey, where’s Pacino when you need him, hmm?

Middle age gets a bum rap. I mean to say that when a man gets older, his testosterone slips, his hangovers sting a little more, and he has to really start listening to his doctor during those yearly check-ups. But you know what? Youth in the rear-view can also mean that he is wiser, more financially sound, handles stress better, and knows how to have more quality fun with a woman.

It’s not a given, though.

Goddess knows there are tonnes of men out there who never quite mature beyond their youth on the mental, emotional, social, and spiritual fronts. The scales don’t lie. They are the men who make everything about themselves, think vulnerability is a weakness, use women, have commitment issues, don’t own their mistakes, and are stellar at making their women feel utterly alone.

I’m not interested in men like that.

Instead, I appreciate men who have aged with spirit and grace and have embraced the subtle art of self-possession. Someone with a rich inner life, emotional honesty, and a beautiful open heart. Someone grounded enough to embrace the courage to commit to what is real.

That’s attractive. That’s sexy.

I’m no longer that young woman screwing my nose up at middle-aged men. Things have changed. I’ve changed. Like the generation before me, I couldn’t rebel yell loud enough to stop getting older. But honestly, I don’t mind one bit because the years have freed me as life has revealed its beauty and difficulty and shown me that each part has value and purpose, and one is needed to appreciate and understand the other.

I now have a thing for middle-aged men.

They can be pretty lovely, with weird hair, wrinkles, and all. But the most beautiful thing about middle-aged men is the magic of their wisdom.

It is the type of wisdom I liken to Albert Einstein’s famous quote:

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”

This quote perfectly echoes the power of imagination and the limitations of knowledge. In other words, knowledge is easy to acquire, but creativity takes bravery and persistence.

I like that. I desire a man who understands the concept even more.

See, there is a distinction between knowledge and experience that some older men value about life. Those who realize that wisdom isn’t solely based on the knowledge accrued from education but, instead, evolves from education plus life experience plus limitless imagination.

Suppose imagination is the key to elaborate theories, dreams, inventions, and innovation. In that case, it must give rise to experiences that create more enlightened perspectives required to make our most profound transformations over time.

Some men are powered by love and driven by purpose.

He feels profoundly and is sensed by others profoundly.

It is a type of wisdom that can no longer put up with the bullshit produced by a sneaky, excessive society that doesn’t prioritize his life. The kind that comes to reject the endless distractions offered by a community that attempts to deter him from making contact with his own consciousness, using things such as alcohol, porn, entrapment, and Netflix to achieve its objective.

Some men come to realize a higher meaning.

Some men have what it takes to give and receive great love.

Some men come to humility.

Some men learn to stop giving away their life force energy to the things attempting to steal it from them.

And some men arrive at the beautiful door of wisdom.

He unlocks the portal to his soul and begins to operate from that place deep within. He’ll come to know a deep service that he has committed his life to — his spirit, heart, and soul.

It’s a slice of wisdom that bestows those men who’ve done the work, and that’s attractive.

That’s sexy.

Because a man who possesses this kind of inner knowing doesn’t frequently hit and quit life or flip flop around commitment, emotions, love, or the idea that choices matter. If he has done the work to a certain level, he knows the choice doesn’t matter.

It’s never mattered.

What matters is the commitment to the choice.

He drops the game.

Abandons the distractions.

He says what he means and means what he says.

I admire a man who finds something, chooses it, commits to it, and stays committed to it. And please don’t confuse commitment with tolerance or endurance in any scenario that breeds unhappiness or pain. Sometimes, letting go of things that are no longer working for us — people, jobs, homes, and the like — is the most extraordinary step we can undertake toward positive transformation and improving the quality of our lives, and that’s a commitment in itself.

I believe in that old proverb about better doors opening when one closes, and if it doesn’t open, then it’s not your door.

Some men know that he will arise illuminated and stronger through constant weathering than before.

Some men realize that the problem with so many contemporary men is that distraction and lack of immersive commitment propagate immaturity, untrustworthiness, and acute unawareness.

Some men know that they will find themselves through commitment and feel their purpose.

Some men understand that their purpose doesn’t lie outside themselves but within.

I’m talking about the type of men who know how to be, really be with a woman. Because the magic of wisdom understands himself and inspires movement around him through his depth of being, feeling, loving, and seeing. He learns where to place his awareness and knows how to connect deeply with the woman he loves.

Now, that’s sexually appealing.

That’s beautiful.

Dear Goddess, I think the world needs more men with beautiful wisdom.

Kim Petersen In Blog

Men Who Love Women Do Things Like This

Damn, I wish there were more of them.

I love women.

Men say it all the time. They’ll often tell their buddies, openly declare it to women, and sometimes even announce it via their social media accounts. Despite that they clearly have not encountered every woman in the world.

***

I love women.

He speaks.

But what does he mean?

Does the man mean it literally? If so, that would mean he is devoid of even the slightest hint of misogyny gathering in the recesses of his being.

Apologies. More than once, I have questioned if such a man exists.

So maybe, when a man says that he “loves women,” he really means that he likes the idea of women.

There’s a significant difference.

Because in a culture where men’s aggression toward women is often expressed through sex and most men are confused and misinformed about how to love a woman from a place of integrity, ideals usually work better for them.

Ideally, a man can enjoy the company of and delight in women’s thought processes. He admires her physique and beauty and appreciates the feminine touch women bring to his life.

That’s ideal.

Until he doesn’t get what he wants from her or things don’t go his way.

Often, a man loves a woman until she stops doing what he likes.

It’s conditional love.

For example, if he feels challenged by a woman, the same man who claims to love her can easily yield to his innate desire for power and control to fulfill his internal inadequacy. He might even attempt to dominate and denigrate her – intellectually, physically, spiritually, sexually.

Why?

Well, since the dawn of civilization, men have treated women as second-class citizens, seductresses, and sex slaves, from African American slavery to the Nazis-driven Jewish genocide to racial or religious bigotry. Time and time again, history is strewn with rape and brutality against women.

Men have mishandled us from the beginning.

So, this horrible trail of threatening, assaulting, and punishing women has created a subconscious bias of misogynistic mindset that has carried through the generations where many men are taught from a young age that they have an inherent right to power, particularly over women.

These warped beliefs are where the “boys must be strong and aggressive” narrative stems from and support male entitlement, toxic masculinity, objectification of women, and violence against women. It’s everywhere and in every culture. It directly counters men’s highest role with a woman – to patiently and consistently show up for her as she disentangles the abuse and mishandling that she has endured at the hands of males who have come before him.

It’s unconditional love.

Make of it what you will, but it’s the nourishing depth of a man’s presence in the connection process that every woman needs to experience and witness before she fully opens up for him.

***

Men who love women do things like this:

Let me first say that none of us are perfect. We are here to make mistakes and learn and grow from our shortcomings. We are also here to evolve from a past that has distorted the male/female dynamic, negatively impacting the quality of our relationships, lives, and happiness.

We are here to love.

So, the faster a man can get out of his own way in the connection process with a woman, the quicker he will find more profound meaning and higher love in his life.

He recognizes her realness.

And I’m not talking about the “real” things she can do for him like fix his nightly feed, sex as her duty, and her baby-making role in his life. Or, indeed, other forms of male entitlement are considered legitimate forms of masculinity in society.

Like:

Expecting women to behave a certain way.
Thinking men are better decision-makers.
Dismissing a woman’s opinion.
Treating women as lesser human beings.
Insisting on respect before he has earned a woman’s trust.

No.

I’m talking about something far more potent for him, which exists on the other side of her heart – the place where a woman embodies her spirit and pussy – her essence and realness.

Men who genuinely love women have figured out that to taste a woman’s wine is to receive the soft layers of her unraveling feminine gifts, which can transcend and nourish his life and their love union.

Nice, huh.

Well, it is for the man who can go there with her.

Because when a man can recognize a woman’s realness, he will receive her holy fire and undeniable love – her light, compassion, loyalty, enhanced intuition, tenderness, and the unbridled power of her sensuality –

Her fully awakened sexuality.

But these superb feminine qualities are never just given to a man without his conscious effort to earn a woman’s trust. So he’ll need to embody the tools and wisdom to demonstrate his male proficiency and trustworthiness by allowing her to challenge and test him before she fully opens herself to him.

Of course, that takes a man’s patience, dedication, and a solid commitment to “self” to recognize a woman’s realness and what that means for him.

It takes inner work.

Self-work to face his inner demons and heal all of his wounds, and see beyond a society that encourages him to play games with women, devalue, exploit, and mistreat women.

Honestly, it’s about letting go of old patterns to make way for a new way of being, thinking, and perceiving the world – all without the help of his mommy, of course.

Only then can he hold a woman.

I mean to hold her within his conscious power and his arms.

He will let her know that he is there with her so that she may continue to trust him with her unfurling process.

Again, it takes patience.

And emotional maturity.

And honesty.

And vulnerability.

And open-mindedness.

And integrity.

And a whole lot of heart and soul to hold a woman.

Truthfully, the process is not for the faint at heart or men with a weakened backbone.

I make no apologies. More than once, I have questioned the quality of today’s men.

So maybe society’s exaggerated gender roles support a belief system that promotes hypermasculinity where masculine qualities like competitiveness with other men and feminine domination amplify sexist thinking.

We all know those males who ascribe to aggression, insensitivity, physical dominance, cruelty, bold ambition, and unrealistic demands.

Hypermasculine men cannot hold a woman.

Neither can weak men.

Here’s another truth: I can’t help but notice a convergence of “soft cocks” among contemporary men, and I’m not talking about men who cry.

No. Crying is a healthy way of expressing emotion and by no means contradicts a person’s strength.

Do you know those men who run like the wind when the shit hits the fan? They are the types who will leave the dirty work to someone else, don’t know how to love a strong woman, will often deny the truth in favor of comfort zone territory, and is never there when you need him.

Yeah. Weak men cannot hold a woman.

But a man in touch with himself, has developed his spirituality and has arrived in a mature place of being as a direct result, can rise in his role with a woman.

That man can hold a woman.

Because he’s done the work.

He takes full ownership of who he is and possesses the self-awareness to love a woman. He has the guts to sense her heart and honey, show up and feel, penetrate and hold her with his consciousness so that she has something solid to trust and respond to.

Because if a man cannot sense a woman, she cannot trust him.

That doesn’t mean he supports her bullshit, either. It means that he holds her accountable and assists her in opening her heart and soul and vice versa.

***

So, I love women.

He speaks.

But what does he mean?

Does the man mean it literally? If so, that would mean that he has learned how to be present with women enough to communicate directly and love fiercely without a hint of misogyny gathering in the recesses of his being.

It would mean that he is present enough within himself to fully respect and be present with the magnificent and powerful life-force energy that birthed him – the warmest, safest, and most nourishing place available to him.

Does such a man exist?

I believe this male is a rare beast.

Still, I’m grateful for the men out there who understand what it means to love women and have chosen different paths of integrity, maturity, presence, and connection.

But dear goddess, I wish there were more of them.